Maiden Name...or not??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Maiden Name...or not??
34
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 4:14pm

I am in the process of getting a divorce after 35 years of marriage. Yes, believe it or not, it CAN happen to anyone! I found out my soon-to-be ex was having a three year affair with a person I once considered a friend. Not just an affair...but a disgusting, kinky, unbelieveable connection. I have come to the point of accepting the finality of it. I do NOT want this marriage or him back! Too much betrayal!! We have three grown children (26, 23, 21).

My question is.....alot of people are asking me if I am going to take my maiden name back. I guess I never gave it much thought until they mentioned it. I've had my married name longer than my surname! I keep thinking I have to go back and find out who I was before my marriage. I got married so young, high school sweethearts...you know the story.

Plus the fact that he and this other woman are still together, the absolute betrayal of it all and trying to start a new life makes me feel that I should take my maiden name. New life, new beginning. My kids are all for it and said they would have no problem with it.

Opinions????

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 9:51pm
gr8ful mom- I'm a nurse and I think the vaccine is okay.
Sharing legal custody sucks. In my horrible situation my child had life-threatening cancer and the fights between us during his illness were horrible.
It could be worse, believe me. Not to minimize your suffering though.
Your ex sounds like mine in that he derives some sick pleasure by making you unhappy, disrupting the peace, like an emotional vampire.
This I know is true: Do the right thing, love your children, and cling to whatever faith, friends, and family you have and everything will work out the way it should.
If you don't want your daughters to get the vaccine, you have every right to prevent it. Talk to your children's pediatrician and let them know about the animosity between you two. Medical professionals have a sixth sense about who has their best interests in mind and will help you. Esp if you have full custody as I have. Does he know how expensive the vaccine is? It's not covered by most insurance and runs I think 200. Just my opinion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 4:38pm

The cost might turn him off.

My issue with Gardasil is that it doesn't eliminate pap smears and cervical cancer is preventable with regular pap smears. I'm living proof of that. I had an abnormal pap at 19. They found a pre-cancerous growth on my cervex and removed it. I've had no recurrance. I'm just not sure about a vax that they're reporting severe side effects for (not sure what % just know they're being reported) when there are other, safer, ways to detect/prevent/cure cervical cancer.

Given my dd is just turning 12, I'm just not that anxious to get her the vaccine this year. Even the manufacturer states the efficacy rate is as high at 16 as 11 and they admit that they have no idea how long immunity lasts. I'd rather wait for more information.

As a nurse, what's your opinion on this? This is what I showed STBX and he ignored.

http://www.909shot.com/PressReleases/pr020107HPV.htm

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 4:56pm
New vaccines are risky, you're right.
Talk to your pediatrician, and stick to your guns.
I personally refuse flu vaccines every year.
Alot of health professionals don't follow their own advice :)
Go with your gut, and you're right about paps. They're only getting better detecting small precancerous changes (I've had a few biopsies myself) so yes, the risks of the vaccine in my opinion outweigh the benefits.
We've gotten way way off topic so maybe you should start a thread re the vaccine? Check out allnurses.com, search for the vaccine, you'll get alot of info and opinions from nurses with experience and good common sense.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 3:51am

Thanks. I'll check it out.

Funny on that flu vaccine. I get one every year but wouldn't dream of giving it to my kids. I'll take the risk for myself given the inconvenience of being a sick parent but I'm confident my kids, who have healthy immune systems, can fight off the flu.

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