Making 50/50 child time splitting work

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Making 50/50 child time splitting work
19
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 5:38am

How do you make 50/50 child time splitting work when one party doesn't want to do their share?

My situation is that I can handle full custody IF I get child support because I could then reduce my work hours to handle everything. STBX, however, WILL NOT pay child support. It AIN'T happening. He also has indicated that I will be expected to do all the running around with the kids post divorce or they simply won't go to their activities. The whole point behind 50/50, which he will in all liklihood get, is that he doesn't have to pay child support.

What do you do with a "50/50" parent who only actually does about 20%? Any suggestions for how to make this work? To add insult to injury, he moved 16 miles away making switching the kids an event in itself.

He wants a three day alternating schedule. If I agree to that (not until the court tells me I have to), I could structure my work hours around the kids schedule on the middle day but the days on either end would be switch off days. On his first day, I'd need to drop the kids off at school or child care so I'd go in late and work late and on the third day I'd go in early and get off early because I'd be picking up the kids. So, with the exception of the day custody switches to him and I need to work late, I could actually do all the running around with the kids. I'd just return the kids to him when I was done.

This would really bug me though. How can you call yourself a 50/50 parent when you don't do 50% of what the kids need? Plus losing that much time with my kids when I'm the one who actually does stuff with them just kills me. The time they spend with their dad will be mostly, unsupervised, free time for the kids. His idea of quality time is being under the same roof.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2004
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 11:37am

I agree.

Kerry

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 9:30pm

I can't do that. That would short change my kids. They're already worried that they won't get to their activities when dad has them. On days dd#2 has piano lessons, he's going to have to drive two hours (an hour each way) for her lessons. He won't do that. She'll just miss class unless I take her only then it's my gas and he's not paying for it.

I really don't mind continuing to do 80% of the parenting but I'd love to reduce my work hours to the same schedule he has to make it easier but that takes money. He's dead set against CS. He's rather pretend to be a 50% parent. This really ticks me off.

I'm having a bad day too. My MIL is buying him a condo. Here he is with mama paying his legal bills and buying him a new home and I have to sell ours because I can't buy him out of it. It just seems so unfair. He has so much but will cripple me financially in this divorce. It's so easy for him. Mama pays the bills.

I'll be ok in the long run but the next year or so will be tough. I have to, completely, restructure my finances while he picks out condos he doesn't even have to pay for. What really makes me sick is MIL cut off one of her sons because he dared to get sick without medical insurance. She'll buy stbx a condo but leave the son who needs medical care to flounder because she's mad that he didn't have insurance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 6:34am
I hope it gets better. The thought of losing my kids half the time to someone who has never been more than a 20% parent and that was forced on him is just killing me. Suddenly, he's ENTITLED to what he's refused to do all along.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 8:38am
I was just catching up on posts and saw this! I didn't recognize the new screen name! Shoot me an e-mail when you can.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 8:45am

I know exactly how you feel and understand completely. The same thing happened with my ex. He was a 10% parent AT BEST during our marriage. Then, as soon as the divorce was in process, anything less than 50/50 of anything was not "fair," and that included custody. Wait, a deviation from 50/50 in his favor was fair (household items, etc.), just as long as it was never in my favor!

It really hurt me to lose the time with my son, too, but in the end, I try to remember that I should be thankful that his father wants to be involved in his life. Better late than never, I suppose.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 5:11pm

Given his recent behavior, I'm not so sure about that. He has not had our girls best interest at heart. He's had HIS best interest at heart. That makes this very hard as you know.

I don't know what has happened to him but he has lost some of his ability to think rationally. Our old marriage counselor seems to think it might be that he's just pickled too many brain cells and now can't operate sober. My best friend thinks it was stbxh's last heart attack. She says her father lost cognitive ability after one of his. Could be but that doesn't give me warm fuzzy feelings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 8:21pm

Is there anyway to bring this up in court.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sun, 05-06-2007 - 8:30pm

OH my goodness, your ex sounds like mine!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2004
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 9:06am

Hey there!

Kerry

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