Making his bed...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Making his bed...
8
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 11:40am

I swear every day I have to make a little promise to myself not to e-mail the ex and mention that he didn't call the kids - again.. I want him to keep making his bed, keep showing them who/what he really is, but it hurts the kids so. I spent our marriage helping him remember things, trying to show him how to care, how to be thoughtful and honestly I'm DONE as far as that goes, but again, if I dropped an e-mail telling him that they are so sad and asking why he didn't call it would make them feel better. I'm torn I guess. I'm so sick of the pedestal they've put him on that I'm anticipating his tumble off. But then again, it's at who's expense? As it is, the best he does is a call at 7:30 on Sundays, but it's been three weeks now...

Melanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 1:15pm

Why not have them make him a card or jot down a note to mail him?


You're right... it's not your job to let him know to remember to call or his kids are disappointed.... but if he "hears" it from them.... it might be more meaningful, as well as being a good outlet for them.




Karen ~ wildlucky4me


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-25-2006 - 9:45pm

That's a great idea, thanks!

Mel

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Registered: 04-19-2004
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 8:30am

It would be better for your children to not have you interfere in that manner, I understand why you do it but I think in the long run it's best that you don't. Make them accessible to him when he calls or when he wants to visit but do not make up for his shortcomings, or try to convince him to call more, or send them gifts or cards and write that it's from him, it confuses them more.

Hugs

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 9:41am

Hi there! From what I understand the cl was suggesting I have the kids write him a note next time they are sad that they haven't heard from him. I would never send them gifts or cards from him, OMG, never. I have in the past written him e-mails telling him the kids have missed hearing from him (once it was over 6 weeks), and I've e-mailed him suggesting he get Christmas stockings for his place when they were going to visit over the holidays. That was actually the last straw though. When I did that, he e-mailed me back and asked me to buy them and he'd pay me back. I had to explain to him that the thrill for the kids would be to walk into his apartment and have the stockings they wanted hanging there already - duh. That is so typical of him. That was the final time I was willing to to any work to let him shine in their eyes. It's now all up to him, and he's doing a terrible job honestly. Thanks for your input, I do appreciate it!

Melanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 10:42am
Some women do sent cards/gifts and sign the exes name because they don't want to see their kids hurt. But I agree that it's healthier for them to experience the hurt (as painful it is) then to be disillusioned. I think the other posters suggestion of the children writing him notes and mailing them was good.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 9:16pm
Funny how they don't show up or call the kids and yet good old Dad gets put on a pedestal.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2006
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 9:40pm
It's the attention you don't get that you crave. Esp w/ children who WANT so badly to believe that the moon and sun set and rise on their parents. The stable parent who is there for them is taken for granted. This is on time being taken for granted it GOOD. It means they are completely secure with you. I know it's hard to watch the adoration when in all honesty the dweeb is being a poor excuse for a father but in the end the kids will remember who was really there for them.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 11:56am

Thanks Kat, that's what I keep hearing/reading/telling myself and I know deep down it's true, but man oh man it is irritating. He still hasn't called BTW, but he e-mailed me to say he'll be paying the child support on time this month - yeah right...

Mel