Making my 12 year old feel guilty

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Making my 12 year old feel guilty
2
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 10:55am

My STBX is a 42 year old baby. He moved us to this state and basically left us. Now he feels the need to put his loneliness on my 12 year old daughter. Even on my weekends, I give him time with his kids. He is a child himself and is like a playmate to them. I don't mind because the kids really enjoy playing with him, but when the day is over, they like to come home to sleep. He told my 12 year old that she should come with him because he is lonely and has no one. I even have the dogs. She cries hysterically because she feel guiltyl that she doesn't want to go.

I told him that he should not put his burdens on his children. He blames me for everything and said that I did this and ruined the family. He cheated and lied non-stop for the 17 years we were married.

I went out to dinner with three girlfriends and I hired a babysitter. My daughter is old enough and there were 5 of them at my house, but I didn't want to give him anything to use against me. He told me that that is a waste of money and the kids should stay by him, I told him no. THey didn't want to go. Was I wrong?

I can't stand him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 10:14pm

NO, you aren't wrong to NOT force them! If necessary, insist he participate in family counseling and hear from the counselor that his behavior is bad for the children.

I hope you can continue to care for them. I know how excruciating it can be.

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-03-2007 - 12:14pm
He is completely wrong to say that, and you've just got to tell your daughter that you and her dad weren't happy living in the same house together... and that you are finding ways to be happy without him, and he CAN do the same.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~