Many losses

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2007
Many losses
23
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 4:48pm

Well I went to see a therapist, because I'm not getting over this divorce very easy. She said next to a death in the family, divorce is the next biggest grief. She said, you have so many losses. Your family, friends, lifestyle, home. You loose all that, and people want you to just be okay. I realize, many people get over it very quickly.....but I didn't, I feel very alone, and unhappy, and I miss my old life. If anyone has a similar story, or advice, I would love to hear it.

Thanks for listening

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2006
In reply to: pink331
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 7:30pm
My family is telling me I should see someone- they say I keep making the same choices in men...........doesn't change the fact that it really is hard to move on. My kids are hurting, I miss being part of a couple and family more than anything.....it really is hard. What's worse is he is being "nice" right now, which makes it harder to move on. Oh well, I am sure I did not tell you anything that you don't already know---just know that you are not alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2007
In reply to: pink331
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 8:59pm

I understand the too many losses. My parents died, my marriage ended, I got laid off, and many friends & family disappeared. It's a scary loney time. Hang in there and find love & support wherever you can. This is a great place! You are not alone even though it can feel that way. You will heal in time, counseling helped me as did my friends & reading books. Stay stong, cry & rest when you can't, and take baby steps. It's a long road but before you know it you'll realize you are ok.

Sending you angels

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
In reply to: pink331
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 9:20am

OH YEAH!!!!

It is a living nightmare for me and it will only get worse once we tell the kids and then the financial consequences set in.

Seeing a therapist is an EXCELLENT idea. Also, there is DivorceCare -- offered through churches; they have a track for adults and children. I am looking forward to it. It is faith-based however. Look 'em up DivorceCare.org.

Keep coming here for support, too.

I sure do.

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: pink331
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 1:54pm
Hey Pink, YOu are not alone. It has been nearly two years since my husband of 15 years left me. We had a very amicable divorce and get along very well. The problem is I can't let him go. It is like I have cut off one of my limbs. The next two weeks are going to be awful. With valentine, my birthday, and the anniversary of him filing I am just hoping to survive. He has been "in love" with two different women in the last two years. Why can't he fall in love with me? We were happy once and I know we could be again. I watch what this is doing to me and my children and I can't help but cry. I know divorce is like a death, How long can the grieving process go on? Everytime I see him I want to hold him and kiss him. I miss him. I wish I had the magic potion to make him come home. I am tired of being alone, but I don't seem to want to fill the void with anyone but him. This is my story. I wish I have some good advice for you and me. I am guessing it is just going to take time.
Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2007
In reply to: pink331
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 2:25pm
I feel that very same thing, every second of the day. My anniversary is on Feb, 23rd, and Valentines Day...That will be hard! He used to get me roses, every year, now he has a girlfriend, she will be getting the roses this year. I miss him so much. I wanted to have another chance with him, but that won't ever happen. I still love him very much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
In reply to: pink331
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 2:26pm

Pink,

Yep, many losses. Material things really don't matter much to me, (except for the house, that kills me). Friends? I guess if they were really friends, they would still be there.

I'm happy to tell you that what i have retained is respect for myself and the love and respect of my children.

c

what
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2007
In reply to: pink331
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 2:31pm
Very true, it wasn't the things he got for me, it was that he was thinking of me, and it made me feel very special. Sometimes, it hurts so bad, I feel like I could die.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
In reply to: pink331
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 3:27pm

Brenda,

I am so sorry you are still grieving. I read once that divorce is like a funeral that never ends. It really is never over; the reminders happen over and over; hurts revisited; wounds re-opened. Otoh, we have to *try* to be positive and reach for the positive and rise from the ashes; that is taking care of ourselves.

Please tell me about your kids. How are they doing? I am very worried about my kids and would like to hear your story with regard to your children, even if there is discouraging news. I want to be realistic.

Thanks!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
In reply to: pink331
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 3:41pm

I'm so sorry for your pain.

The lost love is devestating. Time will help take the sting away. (so i am told). Try to remember that YOU are special. You don't need someone else to make you feel that way.

Good Luck to you

what
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: pink331
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 7:41pm
Hey Pink, Great big hugs to you! We will live through this valentines day. I know for both of us it will be a day filled with tears. Take care of yourself. I am going to spend the evening at church.
This morning I put a valentines day card in the mail to my ex. I just cannot give up hope. Hugs, Brenda


Edited 2/12/2007 7:59 pm ET by mebrenda

Hugs, Brenda 

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