marriage counseling

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2005
marriage counseling
5
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 1:50pm
I have posted here before.My husband was saying he is going to move out by the end of Jan.We sat down Saturday and he said he would go to counseling.I made the appt. today foe wednesday night.I was worried he would say no,because that is his night he goes to the races with his friends.My mom feels like he won't change,but I feel like I need to try for my 3 sons.Did anyone here go to counseling and it still not work. Lori
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 2:39pm

I have heard of it happening, cnleycrew. But it isn't so very important, what others have experienced. Your situation is yours, it is unique.

If the counseling should fail, you will still know that you gave this your best effort, did ALL that you could to keep your children's world in one piece. If you know that is true, it will help you a lot when you are helping the children with their grief later on. If you don't give it your all, then your guilt will be that much greater every time the kids come up against one of the many difficulties faced by the children of divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2006
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 4:57pm

I agree with Rose. Your situation is unique and only you can know when enough is enough. My story in a nutshell is that over the course of 17 years I tried counselling 4 times and it never worked. Now divorce is happening and it's no easier now then it would have been years ago.

My only suggestion is to establish with the counsellor a reasonable time frame for progress and stick to it. If you don't feel progress is being made after a reasonable amount of time then don't feel bad about ending things. It can go on for ever if you let it.

good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2006
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 7:47pm
My husband refused to go to counseling at all, and I will always wonder if it would have helped us keep our family together (we have 3 kids). He simply moved out and refused to work on anything. Take your time, try to talk things out......then you will have peace of mind abouthow you handled things. Also, make sure you are comfortable with the counselor; not all couples and counselors are 'good' matches...........
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 8:19pm

Cnley,


My advice is to go to counseling in the spirit of discovery and be prepared to take full responsiblity of your share of the issues.

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 10:31pm

Maybe the reality is hitting him and he realizes what he is about to lose. Maybe this is his wakeup call. My ex and I did go to counseling years ago, but I will admit neither of us did a very good job in changing. Some small things did change for the better, but our big problems remained.

Go to counseling with a hopeful heart. If you go in thinking he won't change then you may not be open to doing your part in changing. Also, ask your mother to be supportive while you are both trying. The last thing you need is your mom talking down about him while you two are trying to save your marriage.

I sincerely hope you two are able to work out your problems and end up with a long, happy marriage. Good luck to you. :-)