Marriage Falling Apart

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Marriage Falling Apart
22
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 1:42pm

Hi Everyone,

I'm probably in the minority here...I'm a husband looking for help...BIG TIME!

My wife has filed for divorce and it is tearing me apart! We've been married 9 yrs (Nov 23) and we have 2 beautiful girls... Bridget 5yrs and Ashley 18 months. Yes I was blindsided...or maybe just blind. But, I know we have our problems...my wife and are complete opposites. I'm romantic, emotional, hell I need the foreplay. My wife doesn't need any of that...so she has told me. When I write her love letters/poems all she has ever said is "That's nice". I'm not asking for alot just....something. But I have accepted that that is who she is. Believe me it has been HARD but.....no one is perfect.

My wife doesn't communicate with me it's hard for her to open up...but I still try. I know that is a HUGE problem...you always need to communicate. So I know we have had problems in the past. I can be too sensitive at times, I know this but I feel I have gotten better...she's even said as much. Hey we can always try to improve ourselve....that's the life journey we're all on. I haven't really seen much of a change in her other than...I hate to use this word but she is...cold.

Anyway, we did have a couple of big fights lately and now I just find out in the mail no less that she retained an attorney for divorce. She didn't even know when she was going to tell me. Afraid of my reaction....ya...my reaction: I fell to my knees and cried on the floor in front of her.....so much pain. I was devastated. She stood there and then walked by me.....

Why?????? taht's all I ask and she says..."I have no feelings for you" and that's supposed to make it ok. You work at it....you fight to save a marriage...what else is worth fighting for. My God, it's just so much for me to handle....my girls ripped from me. I adore them so much. Everything just gone.....

Please I know I went on forever but..PLEASE someone help me. I don't want to lose my marriage. I even set up an appointment for a marriage counselor...highly recommended. She said "I'll see what she has to say, but I think it won't do any good. ". It's soounds so half-hearted...is that really trying?!

We NEED TO TRY WITH ALL WE HAVE.

Thank you for listening...any advice PLEASE.
John

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 2:51pm

Thank you Belinda...youve been great...everyone here has been great!!

I have been having my moments of just crying...just because.

I will let you all know what happens in counseling tomorrow..

Praying and hoping for the BEST!!!

Thanks
John

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 12:33pm

Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to follow up with everyone as to the counseling session.

So, we went and the person was very good. She made some interesting points. So what happened?? Well my wife still wants a divorce. She said I just can't live with him anymore! She said she can't stand my habits or just the fact of livivng under the same roof as her. What the hell does that mean. I mean we all have habits/quirks...you just look past them. I mean I don't have severe bad habits..I have quirks like everybody. But I mean it's as if she can't stand little trivial things. I don't get it. I still don't have anything concrete...DAMN!! My marriage is over because Oh I don't know maybe she doesn't like the way I breathe or the way I chew my food, etc(i'm just using these things as examples...sarcastically of course) So again the marriage is over because of that!!!! And to top it off she's been thinking of this for months(like 7/8 months) and she never, never shared this with me! Come on. we could have tried before it was/is too late.

I know, I know...I'm just frustrated. Some days I'm ok and others not so much. Hell it's from one hr to the next. I'M SCARED!! I don't even know who I am anymore. You know the therapist did mention the fact that things really changed once we had our second daughter and that is so true. It was like my wife changed big time! I mean she hasn't really been herself for the last 18 months ...Maybe I haven't either...I know our second one was dificult(colic, up 3 times a nite) no time for ourselves. I know that...but really I think there is some correlation with all this craziness and the birth of our 2nd child.

I know I grasping....I feel like crap right now. I cry so much.....I even thought that I would do anything..I mean anything to change her mind. I'd humiliate myself if we could just keep this marriage together. God that's all I want...the pain at times is unbearable.

I'm sorry I'M just venting...I'm crying as I write this. I just wanted/ neede to reach out to you guys.

Thanks for being here for me. It means so much
Thanks
John

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