Marriages don't "fail"

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Marriages don't "fail"
23
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 5:41pm

I often see and hear people refer to their marriage "failing". I really dislike that phrase. That only makes sense if a marriage is a contest or competition, a challenge to stay together until death do you part. That's not at all what I think marriage is about.

I don't see divorce as a failure at all. Because I don't see marriage as a longevity contest. It's the joining together of two people who share love, and friendship, and companionship, and care for each other so much that they want to live together. When the nature of that relationship changes, and they no longer want to live together, that's not a failure, it's a change. The goal of marriage isn't to die married to each other, it's to live happily together. To the extent that a marriage is happy for any length of time, it is a success. When it's over, it hasn't "failed", it's just ended. My marriage was successful for a long time, and now it's over, and I'm moving on to the next stage in my life.

(I just wanted to share these thoughts with you folks, because this attitude was so helpful to me in getting thru the tough times).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 05-20-2005 - 7:59pm
Ok. Thanks for clarifying that. I guess it doesn't help to post in the middle of a "conversation". I just found this board last week and haven't posted much yet. I am divorced from my ex of 27 years, have 3 beautiful children (young adults now), and just wanted to commiserate a little with others who have been through the same. I married young and am having a hard time living alone. I also find it difficult to date as I don't trust men too much right now. I know that will pass. I am optimistic about the future and I know that God has more good times in store for me and my family. Going through divorce is very ugly and dark. My ex is a recovering alcoholic and that didn't help.
Anyway, I'm glad to hear you aren't bitter (except about the girlfriend). Hope you aren't hurting too much, or for too much longer.
Take care,
maria
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-21-2005 - 9:51am

Maria....


PG is very sorry to hear about the demise of your 27 year marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Sat, 05-21-2005 - 1:31pm
You left. You did what was right for yourself, your self respect, your future.
That took great courage.
Your daughters love you, and respect will come with time.
I think you are already starting to discover just how strong you are.
Self respect will grow with time, too.
My heart goes out to you, and I wish you peace, & strength, & happiness,
and success.
- L.

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