Maybe, we were a little too young.
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| Wed, 11-22-2006 - 4:51pm |
I married my highschool sweetheart at 20, and he was 19. Although we had our typical arguments, and I'll admit that sometimes we didnt confront them the right way, 2 years into our marriage, he comes to me with "i need space, i need my time, i'm confused" -- that's ALL i got, out of nowhere. At this point of our marriage, we were already contemplating kids, we had gone to the doctors to get my body ready, we had FINALLY got out OWN house, and just finished a 20,000.00 remodeling! It had been a crazy month, a bit busy, so we didnt really even have time to argue. Right before we moved in our house, he comes to me and tells me this... I was devasted, I couldnt talk to him because he was SO mad, and I didnt even know why. He didnt want to talk to me, he didnt want to be around me, AND this was the man who was always so happy, so romantic, always touching me or something, it was deffinately odd.
So, to make the story short, that was in September, we didnt work it out. He was talking to an old flame and till this day, he swears up and down that it wasnt ABOUT HER. It was because he just needed the taste of freedom. After almost 3 months of being separated, 2 weeks that I had gone without seeing him, he calls me and tries to get in contact again, that lasted for a week and then I told him that I needed him out of my life... he agrees, and then the week after he calls me and MAKES me see him, so he could tell me that he needs me, that he wants to run away with me and forget the world. That he realized that he threw away so much for nothing. I think about it, and then, he says he wants to start out again from the begging, to start dating again... so, he tells me to think about it.
You'd think why it wouldnt be so easy to get back together? Well because my family got involved, they got involved because of the financial issues. Because my parents helped us getting our place renovated, and all. I NEVER did anything to his family, LET ALONE HIM.. and she doesnt like me anymore, and is begging his son not to ever go back with me, regardless of how he feels, because they have a lot of "PRIDE". (i know this isnt necessary, but my mother in law took back my father in law PLENTY of times, they were separated for almost 10 yrs, and he would come in and out of her life. My sister in law? her husband cheated on her numerous times, humiliated the family, belittled our mother in law, and they accepted him back in the family?) What have I done? I took care of her son, I always loved him, I could NEVER EVER hurt him... and I always made sure he stayed close with his family. Wow..
it's pretty ridiculous to me. So, i talked to him over about this whole dating thing, he starts DOUBTING everything again, and I get mad and I told him to quit playing games, why did he come back to me if he STILL doesnt know what he wants? I'm sure just to take a last kick with me, because.. WHO DOES THAT? i'm young, but I always had my head on right, I knew what i would be getting in when I married him and I was willing to do it all, but him? Why is he playing with me? I will never ever move on.
All our stuff, after 3 months... IT'S STILL UNPACKED. because I... i'm too scared to go through our things. I miss him terrible and I never felt this kind of pain before. Everything is so unfamiliar, I don't understand why things work out this way.
Regardless of everything, I love him.. but I dont even know him anymore.

Hi Ohroxie,
From your post it sounds like maybe (just maybe) your husband "freaked out" about the time you acquired your own home. Its possible the reality of marriage finally hit him. It happens. You see, I think a lot of us get married in the heat of romance without much thought to the hard facts like home ownership, children, and with it debts, obligations, and deep commitment. Some can be married as long as it feels like dating. Once you start "settling down" it becomes scary, so scary that some people leave or bolt because they realize its "real."
Have you tried to talk to your husband about his expectations of your marriage? Ask open-ended questions like "When we got married what did you think it would be like?" And then sit back and let him talk. Often, we enter marriage with all kinds of UNspoken expectations like, "We'll have kids in 2 years." Or, "We'll buy a house by our 5th anniversary." Or, "We'll spend every Christmas with my family." Lots of those kinds of things. BUT, we never say them outloud much less talk about them with our spouse. See how it can be scary when things start happening?
I'd strongly encourage the two of you to seek professional marriage counseling. What you both need right now is objectivity and tools to help communicate with each, cope with the family interference, and determine how best to address your marital crisis. It's worth the work.
Let us know how you are doing.
Peace and blessings,
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
We have a good marriage- loving- and have great kids-BUT if you can have this time- just enjoy it because FOREVER is such a long time...long, long time. FOREVER , and if its questionable now, that could possibly drag on for years. You don't want to wake up 20 years later- and think "What the..."
Think about it..and I wish you well, however the outcome.
Wow. I am glad that you are out of it now, and I really REALLY appreciate the time you took to share your story with me. You made me realize a lot of things.
Did he hurt me? I felt a pain that I never thought existed. You are right, why put myself through this? he's done it before, why wouldnt he do it again?
I will get back to you, I just need some time to think about things. Again, thank you so much.