Me, Ex - have to visit our son's school

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Me, Ex - have to visit our son's school
9
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 5:52pm

Lately, ds has been coming home with small bruises on one of his legs. I spoke to the school about it. If possbibly one of the other kids might be hitting or kicking him. They said nothing they've seen. He's also been saying "he hit me" when I would ask who he would say his own name. There is no other child with his name in the room so he must be a bit confused or just doesnt know the kids name. Today my sis called and said he seemed to have what appears to be another bruise beginning to show. And again today he looked sad and said "he hit me". Now Im PI--ED AS HE!! Im trying to be calm but Im going there friday. I called ex and he's coming to. I hope his little pre-schooler keeps her a$$ home. This is none of her business and there needs to be some boundaries. How do I approach this one without ruffling any feathers. When i talked to him I told him I was going on Friday and asked if he wanted to come, he said yes. He would meet me there so I told him okay that way Me and You, We can get to the bottom of this. I hope he has sense to see what I meant by that.

Then Monday we are back in court and he has an appt for the allergy clinic. We at least for now plan on both taking him there. Again little chick needs to stay out of it. It isnt her child. What do I do? Have any of your ex's and their gf's ever gone to dr's visits with you and ex when you both were going?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 11:54pm

Well..... if she comes, it would be better to just smile, say hi, and pay attention to what you're there to talk about and ignore her.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 9:38am

Im trying my best to be level headed about this. I will expect the worst (that he'll ignore my hint and have her there). Would it seem out of line from me if she plans on coming in to the room for the discussion if I ask her to wait outside because this is something to be dealt with by his parents?

I mean I dealt with her being there for his 1st haircut (I didnt like it but I was calm and polite, I spoke). I have to progress with this slowly, it still hurts but Im slowly accepting that she's in ds life even though it still feels like she's trying to replace me though I know she never will. I just cant take too much too fast ya know. I would give him the same respect and feel he should do the same for me. It's already a bit awkward, and with more time Im sure I'll get more immune to it but for now just one obstacle at a time.

I shouldnt always have to do the bending. When will he give me the respect I deserve as his son's mother.

I will be sure NOT TO CAUSE A SCENE THOUGH.
Thanks a million

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 11:08am
I know it sucks to have her there, and it hurts to have her there was well. However, if she comes with him, let her be "in" on the conversation. I agree with whomever it was that said the extra set of ears can't be a bad thing. i know you hate it, but she is in your son's life, and she does care about him (in her own way), and she just wants whats best for him too I'm sure, so as much as it hurts, be the bigger person (which you've been doing a great job of, by the way), and don't say anything if she shows up with him. Remember, it's about your son, and finding out what's going on, and why he's getting hurt. You guys are all his protectors (as adults we are all protectors of the children in our lives), and you need to figure out what's going on, why, and how best to resolve the issue at hand.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 11:11am

I wouldn't ask her to stay outside (but I would expect her to just sit and listen.... unless she does have a comment that seems valid).


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 2:22pm
God it just hurts so much. Im alone, dont have anyone with me and it makes me feel like their just flaunting it in my face that there together and so happy. It makes me sick. He must be thinking look at her since I left she cant even get anybody else. I just cant stand it. Im always the one who has to be the "bigger person". Jesus. How do you get past all these emotions. Isnt it enough that Im trying to accept it, that I shared the 1st haircut. Why cant they give me some room to breathe and gradually accept more and more. He's like a heartless s.o.b. It's like he doesnt give a damn at all for the fact that it may make me uncomfortable. Why is it all about HER! HER! HER! Did he ever have anything real for me EVER? I hate him! This wasnt supposed to be like this.
It was my family not hers.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 2:46pm

"He must be thinking look at her since I left she cant even get anybody else."


Red..... I know this is all so hard, really.... I do.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 3:17pm

Thank You soooo much. I havent been this this down in a long long time. It just snuck up on me. You were right about so many things. Him "needing" a girl on his arm. Now that I think of it I chose to be alone all this time. I went through the painful process of looking at myself and how I contributed to the end of our relationship. I did alot of inner work which isnt easy to do at all( I still have a ways to go, lol). He is Too afraid to accept his responsibility and look at his faults. I truly believe that when youve spent so much time with someone and that ends, you must take some alone time to reflect, and regroup, and rebuild. He jumped from me, to the "ow" then from her to the one he's with now.

Youre sooo right. Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 3:27pm

Any time!


And, just so you know..... I can see a HUGE difference in your strength and... "maturity" if I can use that term without sounding like I'm offending you... I'm not, it's just that I can see tremendous growth (and rereading some of your old posts would be a good look back for you to see just how much you've grown through all of this, too).


That said, you are still entitled to have things that need to be expressed, sorted, rehearsed and thought out


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 4:06pm


ITA! Luv, during the last couple of months, you have come SUCH a long way. Having feelings of jealousy are to be expected. And I know, if your heart, you are just trying to do the best you can for your child. As long as that continues to be your motive (and I know it will be), you'll be just fine. Sure, there will be some bumps and heartache along the way, but overall, I know you will make it through just fine. Continue being a good mom, and hold your head up high.




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