mebrenda - How've you been?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
mebrenda - How've you been?
9
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 7:06pm
Haven't seen much of you around this neck of the woods lately. Check in and let us know how you're doing.




How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.
- Anne Frank

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sun, 05-07-2006 - 9:38pm
Thanks for thinking of me Christine. I wish I could say I was Ok, but I am in a really bad place right now. I am back to crying all the time and not sleeping. You would think 14 months later I would be by this. I still love him very much and I want him to come home. I wish I knew what to do to get my dream. I know most of the people here don't want their old lives back, but I do. My children are suffering terribly. My oldest told me last week, as he was headed up a ladder on to the roof, that he needed to die. Everyone treated him like crap and he didn't deserve to live so he was going to jump. He's only 13! My baby is in such pain and my ex won't allow me to get him any help. He says all of this is just normal teenage problems. What if he is wrong? I know exactly how he feels. I would like to jump myself. I am hurting so much. I don't know how much more my heart can take. I am taking my antidepressants and going to therapy, but nothing seems to be helping. I can feel myself dying a little each day. I was sent home one day last week from work because I couldn't stop crying. I have been repremanded recently for being rude. I can't afford to lose my job. I am so scared.
I thank you for thinking of me. I really figured no one would notice. I am lurking right now. I don't feel like I have any useful advice for anyone.
Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-07-2006 - 9:52pm

Oh Brenda, I'm so sorry to hear that you and your children are having such a tough time right now... there are definitely highs and lows... some of us just don't go through the lowest lows so much anymore... most of us have been there, so please don't be scarce just because... WE CARE ABOUT YOU and want to help however we can...

I am a bit confused about your post though... you say that your xh will not allow you to get help for your son??? Does he have that right to bar you from doing something to improve your son's mental well being? If so (and I truly hope this is not the case), I would ~at least~ speak to your son's school counselor so that they can make an assessment and see if they feel that it is "normal" teenage stuff or something that needs more attention... Or, what about speaking with your son's doctor? I just find it hard to believe that one parent can legally forbid the other from getting their child the help they need...

As for you, yourself, are you in counseling or under medical treatment to help you get through this, if you're not, I would highly encourage you to do so... if your troubles are interferring with your work as you describe, I would say the time is now...

Sending you lots of hugs and wishes for peace in your corner of the world...

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sun, 05-07-2006 - 10:50pm
Julie, I have thought about asking his Dr. to evaluate him when he does his atheltic phsyical. I may just do that. The reason I have to get my ex's permision is because that is the way the custody agreement is set up. Unless it is an emergency, this may be I don't know, I cannot make the decision to get him therapy on my own.
I am getting help. It's just not helping. I am lower today than I have been in a long time. I am really having trouble getting out of this. Between my still being in love with my ex, my children taking this so hard, and the financial trouble I am in I feel about as hopeless and helpless as a person can. I just don't know that this is worth living for anymore. I am so lonely.
Thanks so much for caring. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 05-07-2006 - 11:33pm

Brenda... When your child tells you he wants to die.... it is an emergency.... and whether or not you truly feel he was being serious or just needing an extra bit of support from you.... you have GOT to take his comment very seriously and get him.... and you... help.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 8:26am

Brenda, I am so glad that you wrote! We really have missed you and your advice/stories around here.


I am so sorry to hear about your pain. I know you're faithfully taking your medication and going to therapy. Do you think maybe it's time to make a change in medication or therapists? Sometimes, our emotional and mental health needs change over time, and it's important to consider that you may need to see someone new.


Second....your son. Karen is right - making implied statements about suicide is an emergency. Your ex can not stop you from contacting someone about that any more than he can stop you from getting him treatment if he had a broken bone. And quite fankly, if your ex wanted to press it and bring it to court, no judge in his or her right mind would support your ex's decision about not getting treatment.


Even though you are going through such a rough time, I am really glad to see you back. PLEASE post...your thoughts, ideas, and observations are valued.




How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.
- Anne Frank

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 11:08am
Dear Karen and Christine, Thanks so much for the support. I know what I need to do now. I am going to have our family dr. evaluate my oldest when he does his phsyical. I work for the man so I can just pull him aside and ask him to help me without my ex knowing. I take Lexapro and Buspar daily and they usually keep me in check. I am hoping this will just pass. I am seeing my therapist this afternoon. It's been a month because of scheduling conflicts, but hopefully we will get back to everyother week. It's expensive and I do get a break on the sliding scale. I just wish I didn't have to spend the money there. How do I stop thinking of my ex? How do I stop loving my ex? Every time I talk to him he drags me through something different? I found out recently that he had an affair with a married woman and that is why he left. I am willing to forgive this. How do you begin to feel whole again? How do you begin to feel normal again? How do I forgive myself for allowing this to happen? The way I see it this was all my fault.
Thanks again.
Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 5:57pm

I am so glad to hear that you are getting help for YOU.... it's just tough when a BIG speed bump comes along or you just have even more and more to handle.


I think that the biggest thing I did to help me stop that love, was to make myself think of it in terms that I loved the person that he was..... and I made a list that I could SEE that listed the things he'd done to hurt me.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 9:45pm

Hey there Brenda...

I am so glad to see that you replied to this post... you've been on my mind a lot today, as I've been wishing that today has found you in a bit of a better spot... We're here for you...

I know that Karen and Christine have all ready said it, but since your son has mentioned wanting to die... it is definitely to the point where you need to take action and have him checked out... This may be nothing, or it could be so much more... and truthfully, its not worth the risk... and right now, I know its tough--I've been where you are in many ways...

I'm glad to hear that you had an appointment today... I hope that it went well... You know, one thing that I would like to recommend is trying to find one thing each day to find some small joy in... weather it is the color of the sky at sunrise (or sunset), one of your children's smiles, or simply making it through the past five minutes without shedding a tear, revel in that moment...

I know that the weekends were always the hardest for me when I was going through my separation and divorce... at least at work, I had work to distract me from the mess that was my life... but having to actually look at it, square in the face all weekend long was hell. I started making goal lists for myself...the goals could be as simple as writing a check for the phone bill... buying a present for a baby shower... going out and getting much needed diapers for Joey... just normal every day tasks... they were still difficult for me to accomplish though, as I was so down in the dumps... that the first weekend that I actually crossed everything off my list, I felt so good about myself... eventually, I added the hardest task of all at the time... not to cry at all during the weekend... now, that one took me a few weekends to get through, but eventually, it got checked off too...

Brenda, I'm thinking of you... I hope to see another post from you to let us know how you're doing...

*hugs*

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 10:24pm

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