Meddling Unsupportive Parents
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| Sat, 07-22-2006 - 9:51pm |
I am going through a separation/divorce with my husband of 3 years (together for 8). The reason for the separation is falling out of love, I guess. I had concerns about our marriage for the past 1.5 yrs and my husband never took those concerns seriously. We saw a therapist and he, again, didn't take it seriously and wasn't completely honest with couseling either.
For the past month we have been separated but still living in the same house. He wasn't respecting my need for space so we have been arguing a lot lately about him needing to leave so we can see if this marriage is worth saving. When he is home I try to make plans with my girlffriends so I wouldn't have to be here and have all of that anxiety building up in me. My parents are aware of what's going on and haven't been 100% supportive of me and that just breaks my heart! Every comment is "oh you guys are so good together" and "he's such a hardworker and is a good guy - you won't find another like that. They aren't out there" ((Thanks for the confidence!)) To my husband they say "she doesn't act like a married woman" and "I don't know what's going on in that head of hers" I'm so lost and confused and I don't know how much I have to tell my parents.
Now my parents are talking with my husband about trying to set up a "meeting" with all of us because there has to be some way to work this out. I'm not suppose to know about it which angers me SOOO much more!! Me not being in love anymore should be reason enough and it's ridculous that my parents don't support me! I don't know how to handle this situation because I don't want to be mean to my parents but why can't they just care about my happiness? Why do I need to get there approval first? I am going through such a miserable time right now and I really need all of the support I can get and it frustrates me that I'm not getting it from them! Any advice???

I am sorry that you don't feel supported by your parents at a time like this. I don't know how old they are but it may just be a generational thing - save the marriage no matter what or if there are children involved they may think you should stick it out. I would suggest finding someone else to confide in/discuss things with, someone who does not have their own agenda, like your parents obviously do. Also, I don't know your financial situtation or your parent's finances but perhaps they are worried about your financial security or that you may ask them for help that they cannot provide. Sometimes it helps to understand their point of view.
Maybe also seeing a therapist on your own for a while would be helpful. You can sort out what exactly it is what you expect from marriage and whether or not it is realistic.
I would just tell them that your life behind closed doors is quite different than they can relate to because..... they aren't living YOUR life, and that although you love them and respect their feelings and wanting to help, that this is really something that you and your husband need to try to resolve on your own.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~