Mediation

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2010
Mediation
5
Wed, 02-29-2012 - 7:53am

Has anyone used mediation? How did it work for you? I'm wondering if I should go that route or not.

I recently found out my husband has been cheating, taking drugs and has us INSANELY in debt-this is partly from his business, but my name is on most of the business stuff because of his bad credit. I am finding out that alot of people are sueing him and his company, there are liens on our home-it is a HUGELY tangled mess!

He wants to keep it out of court-I honestly think he would end up in jail for fraud if some of his 'business practices' came out. At this point he does not know the extent of what I know.

So, my thinking is that I am holding alot of cards right now because he doesn't want stuff to come out in court. I'm contemplating trying to get him to do our own settlement agreement and using a mediator. Any opinions??

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
In reply to: oscartm
Wed, 02-29-2012 - 9:47am

I tried to get my exh to go to mediation but he refused.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: oscartm
Wed, 02-29-2012 - 11:23am

I think mediation can be very good if both parties are motivated to try to work things out fairly--sometimes the mediator will write up the agreement and then you have the option of having it reviewed by a lawyer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2010
In reply to: oscartm
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 7:11am

I actually have seen an attorney already but have not discussed mediation with him yet-this is something I just started thinking about. He has already told me I will likely have to file for bankrupcy. That would happen I think whether this divorce went the route of attorney/court or mediation. Unless I can get my stbx to straighten out some of the mess with my name on it. I think he would be "motivated" to go mediation if it meant keeping all of his activities out of the public eye.

I've already paid my attorney a retainer so I figured I'd keep him for now even if I decided to go mediation-in case that goes sour or to look over a settlement agreement.

I don't really expect to get much out of the divorce anyhow-with the mess the finances are in, there isn't much to get-I mostly just want full custody of our child and to get this all over with as quickly as possible.

I'm figuring my attorney might discourage me from mediation-this divorce could be long and drawn out and mean big bucks for him (sorry to all you attorneys out there, but you KNOW some are like that), that's why I wanted to get opinions here first. To see if I was way off base with htis situation or not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: oscartm
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 11:22am

I actually HATE long drawn out divorces--the money doesn't matter (of course I work for someone else)--but I have plenty of work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
In reply to: oscartm
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 12:13pm

You need a lawyer and mediation, my SO just got his D finalized - the first time they went through mediation, they did not get anywhere. He waited, was in no hurry (there was a biz & house involved) and forced his ex back into mediation, as she did not want it to go to trial. Second time around, they worked it out, his ex got nothing - no part of the business and he got the house too. A good lawyer will go through mediation with you and make sure you are protected. Or so I hear, my lawyer was awful./