Mediation - Oh it was UGLY.........

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Mediation - Oh it was UGLY.........
13
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 11:42am

Well, last night was our 1st mediation session. Oh did he let it all out. He told the dirt on himself. I didnt even have to tell how he verbally and emotionally abusive he is and how he is a cheater. He did it all own.

Funny enough I wasnt even planning to bring those things up because we were not there to discuss "us" it was supposed to be about the baby and a visitation schedule. He told her outright that he doesnt believe in the court system, doesnt want to discuss anything with me, bragged about "all the stuff" he bought. Oh excuse me told her how the women he cheated on me with gave him money and he in turn used that money to buy things for our apt. and how the women knew he was "never leaving me and the baby" we were his home and his family. He told her that he just wanted some of the things from the house, not everything because there was no way I could re-furnish the apt b/c I have a low paying job. Then after bad mouthing me he then tells her dont get me wrong that I am a good mother and have done a good job in raising our son. I mean he showed how inconsistent he was and everything. First saying he could only get him on sundays and then saying he wanted him Fri - Sun. The mediator even picked up on that. He went all out. Saying I cant accept that "we" are over etc. He has to listen to his people telling him how stupid he is for working all those years and having nothing to show for it, letting me keep everthing, them telling him he's a fool. He even told her he hates me and will NEVER EVER forgive me for the restraining order I had keeping him from the baby for those 6 weeks which was almost 2 years ago.

He rapped up the meeting with calling me a Bit-h. My God did he show his true colors. We are supposed to go back to try to still work this out on the 22nd. She asked if i would be willing to still give him some of the things he's asking for b/c he claims that would make a difference in how he feels about me. She said to think about it. But Im not going to give in on that issue. He's suing me for $3000.00 so we'll just deal with that in court.

He left first, knowing I wanted to leave first. So I waited for a while. When I left the building he was no where around, I headed for the train and I kept checking behind me and then out of nowhere I see him walking not directly behind me but behind me nonetheless. How is that when he left first. So when we go back Im gonna ask someone to go with me. And I wonder if I can request he take anger management classes. This is getting serious.

Pages

Avatar for mom2maggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 11:55am
Glad to read that you made it home ok. If I were you I would have someone drop me off and be there to pick me up after the next session. He sure did show his true colors, but too bad he missed the point of the meeting. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 12:28pm


Wow, sounds like this is just the beginning of a long drug out process. I'm glad you made it home alright too, I would for sure take someone with you next time. Sounds like he has major issues I don't think anger management will help. Keep an eye out for yourself and be careful, you never know what they could be up to next.

Stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 12:31pm

Thanks.

Im really thinking about requestion supervised visitation because he is so emotionally unstable now. I wonder if I can do that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 12:39pm

What an ordeal...I'm glad you survived intact. Yeah he totally missed the point of the mediation, which was to settle on possession times and money issues. The mediator, in my opinion, should have stopped the conversation when when he went into the personal issues and started blaming. Mediation is only to decide the details, not to explain, psychoanalyze or work out reconciliation. Perhaps before your next session, you could request your mediator stop your ex when he gets on this tangent. Their time is expensive, don't waste it listening to your ex rant. Use this time to work out an arrangement as to how to care for your child.

As to giving him some of the "stuff" he wants...picture your child. Isn't he more important than "stuff"?

I wish you much good luck, it's so hard to face those jerks sometimes.

Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 12:57pm
I know the mediator isnt supposed to take sides but i will ask her if she can do that if he starts up again. Then she says that he must really care otherwise he wouldnt be so upset. I dont know if she was trying to just be nice or what. We'll see.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 3:47pm
Tell your mediator what he did, stalking you out of her office. She will have some experience with how to handle that next time. Perhaps when you are signficantly done with the session next time, she can give you a signal. You excuse yourself to the rest room (but really go home) and the mediator keeps Stbx engaged for 15 more minutes, then send him home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 4:19pm
I acutally called the mediator on my lunch break and told her what happened. Told her I was afraid of how he is behaving and dont feel comfortable continuing the mediation under the circumstances. She said she would speak to her supervisor b/c she had to remain neutral since she began the med. with both of us and she would have the supervisor contact either today or monday. I will not let him intimidate and verbally abuse me like he did in front of her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 4:24pm
I understand some mediations can even be conducted with each of you in completely seperate rooms, the mediator moving back and forth. That is very slow, though, so save it for when absolutely necessary.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 10:42pm

They can only hide it for so long ....... mine did the same. Flipped out on the GAL the nite b4 court! Stupid stupid stupid! But i was doing the HAPPY DANCE!


As for anger mngt. Honestly? Dont waste your time.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 10:43pm
Yes you can. & your best bet would be to ask the court for a GAL. It will be less expensive than doing it thru a lawyer.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Photobucket

Pages