Mediator - what goes on during mediation

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Mediator - what goes on during mediation
1
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 11:15pm
Hi,
I filed for D Sept. 29th and haven't had a first hearing yet, but will meet for the first time Nov. 2nd with H, our attorneys and a Mediator. I am just wondering if anyone can tell me what to expect at this first meeting. I thought we would have a hearing first and then mediation. My atty said she thought it would be good to go to a mediator before considering trial. We have a lot of community property and my H is part owner of a very successful company. I can't imagine they would want us to try to settle on anything, being that I already told my atty that my husband has a lot of money I don't even know about, other accounts, hidden money... I will meet with my atty the day before so I am sure I will know more then, but would like any advice or would like to hear from someone who has already gone thru this. I know that the temporary finacials and child support will be set then, but what else can I expect. Also, should I wear a suit or will dressy slacks, shirt be okay?
Thanks,
Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Sun, 10-30-2005 - 5:40pm

My X & I used a mediator, with no attorneys at all. We were both agreed (altho he reluctantly) that we should D, we just wanted to reach an amicable agreement between the two of us, keep fighting to a minimum, mostly for the sake of our kids. And it saved us thousands. Perhaps one of us would have received a lot more $$ if we'd fought it out - maybe me, 'cause I've got the kids, maybe him, 'cause I've got a more stable job. But it just really didn't seem worth the fight. At least this way we can still talk to each other, and neither of us feels like there's a "winner" or "loser".

An old cliche is that the definition of a successful negotiation is that both sides walk away unhappy. This is probably true of a successful divorce mediation, too. It helps if you both go in wanting to reach a settlement and get out. It helps if you want to remain reasonably "friendly". But to be honest, if you think he's hiding money from you, then it sounds like the two of you might not be good candidates for mediation. You don't trust him, and he probably thinks you're out to rip him off... not a good start.

For what it's worth, I'd just dress in whatever makes you feel comfortable and good about yourself.