Meeting at DD's school ex showed up

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Meeting at DD's school ex showed up
8
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 11:33am
I went to my dd's school for a meeting regarding her reading problems. I've been doing these meetings for over a year and now he's showing up. I'm just waiting for hi to start manipulating when the meetings are going to take place. I generally schedule them for my days off. I've been doing this for a long time including when my son was in elementary school and had issues. Now all of a sudden he's going to these meetings.
Avatar for mom2maggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 11:49am
I understand how his showing up unexpectedly could be upsetting or suspicious. However, is is possible that he's just finally stepping up to his responsibilites?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 2:19pm

Accept he used it as an opportunity to air our issues regarding divorce. He tried to blame everything on that when in truth she's had reading problems since first grade. He takes every opportunity to boo-hoo about children of divorce. Guess he should have thought of that when he filed.

I've always scheduled these visits on days off and now you can bet that my days off won't be convient for him to be at the meetings. He uses every chance he can get to bash my job or work schedule to anyone that will listen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 3:35pm

That would be REALLY hard. To sit in such a meeting and not rise to his baiting!! Does he do this when you two are alone, or complain to the school employees? Wishing you the strength of a Saint.

If he is causing a disruption in the meeting, I think I would say to the school, "I think you can see for yourself that having both myself and the father in the same meeting is distracting us from the true subject - how to help the child. I hope you can understand why I am going to ask you this, would it be possible for you to meet with just me on the days I have scheduled? If my Ex would also like a meeting, can you meet with him separately? I understand it is an imposition on your time..."




Edited 11/15/2005 3:39 pm ET by rosemile
Avatar for mom2maggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Tue, 11-15-2005 - 4:40pm
Yuck! I feel for you and for your DD's teacher. I pray that he learns to stay focused on the issue at hand. If your long-standing appointment isn't convenient for him then maybe he should be the one to request a second meeting. From what you said I doubt he'd go to a meeting unles you are there. It sounds like the only reason he showed up was to make you feel bad.
Community Leader
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 9:18am

While going through our divorce proceedings, my ex tried to do that. I just told the teacher that I could not have parent-teacher meetings with my ex because he was abusive - told them about the order of protection, his ocd, stalking me, etc. Although the teachers were not happy with having to do duplicate meetings, I insisted.

I learned from the book, "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft, that counselling with abusive men (and these kinds of situations) is only a ploy by the men to further abuse the woman. I feel for you.

My ex is still TRYING to abuse me through various ways (phone messages, insulting me to by new husband, telling others that I am crazy, etc.) Slowly, I think about him/it less, but when I am under a lot of pressure (like now), it really irritates me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2005
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 11:48am
Many people who find out that his/her spouse is having an outside relationship will file for divorce......
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 12:29pm

Good advice, I think probably in this situation Rosemiles advice is the best.

GL
Heidi

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 11:03pm
Thanks for the advice. I'm just going to keep on what I've been doing for years. I am the person they've always called regarding these things and if he wants to do his part helping her then I'm all for it. The only thing I'm not putting up with is him manipulating which days the meetings will take place "just because". He has a tendency to do things because he can.