Meeting new people...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2007
Meeting new people...
7
Thu, 04-10-2008 - 11:13pm
So, I recently separated from my not-so-nice wife (you can read too much about it all over in the Emotional Cheating board) and must tell you, I'm feeling relatively good about it all. Yeah, I'm still feeling like an emotional wreck inside about it all but I'm looking forward to putting all the pieces back together again, if that makes sense. It's only been about 2 months since I was separated (hopefully, I'll have an agreement in place in this week..cross your fingers! btw no kids) and I'm trying to be a little more social than I used to be. It makes me feel better to be out and about than being at home wallowing. As a result of being social, I'm starting to meet new people...and some of these new people include nice, single ladies. I'm trying really hard to keep my marital status out of most conversations these days. I want to see how well I do on my own, so to speak. What do you ladies suggest with regards how to I broach this topic, when should I do, etc? Like how soon after making a new lady friend? I'm finding that meeting new people is quite invigorating and it's really helping my confidence. However, I get a little bummed when I think about the fact that there's NO way I can date now given my emotional state and everything. Not sure how long it'll take me...if all goes well I should be divorced by October. What should I do? Am I torturing myself by being social and making friends with single women? Am I doing them a disservice? Please help me out if you have a few minutes... Thanks so much!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 04-11-2008 - 8:53am

No, I don't think you are doing yourself a disservice or anything like that... but I would be honest once a new friendship gets much past the generalities of "hello"... while maintaining a completely "professional" friendship so you don't end up trainwrecking something that comes along now that may be a really good thing later... at the right time.


I hope that makes sense :-)


Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2008
Fri, 04-11-2008 - 8:59am
Mr. Sensitive-
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Fri, 04-11-2008 - 11:53am

< >>


first off - I am a man, not a woman.


Secondly, be honest and realistic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 04-11-2008 - 12:56pm

You are just a funny guy.


I agree that jumping right into a new relationship 2 mos after separating when the person hasn't healed emotionally is just a big mistake.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2007
Fri, 04-11-2008 - 2:26pm

Hi all,

Thanks so much for all the varied responses and input. All very helpful. In my case (not that it makes it different), I've pretty much had it with my STBX several months before I even separated. Still the emotions are strong in terms of having had that "someone" and how I had relied on her and everything. But definitely a good point with regards to the rebound thing..that's very likely, if not a definite, to happen no matter what. But don't you/didn't you get a charge from starting to meet singles who seemed to be really cool/attracted and enjoyed talking with you?? haha How about reading personal ads? Is that totally weird/bad behavior that I'm liking to ONLY LOOK? So far I have already been following everyone's advice with regards of when to tell a single woman about my situation. I definitely don't bring it up in the 1st few minutes. But after a couple of conversations, I definitely have to talk about it. And there is absolutely no doubt that I definitely chose the wrong woman (though it's not to say our marriage failure had no bearing on what I did) and I'm going to have to fix my "choosing skills."

At least one person mentioned the difficulty in decision making. That is SO true right now on EVERYthing in my life from how to navigate my career to what to do for the weekend. What have you guys done to improve this? I'm about to start therapy and I'm sure that'll help. But what else? You find yourself essentially using other's advice (those you trust) and your guiding lights and pretty much follow them?

Thanks again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2008
Fri, 04-11-2008 - 10:53pm

I believe you have to close a chapter in your life to begin the next.

It's okay to jump...you have wings! 

To move forward...you have to stop looking back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Sun, 04-13-2008 - 2:33am

Hi there,


I'm new here too, and I'm not in your shoes.