Missing my STBX

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2005
Missing my STBX
4
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 3:16pm
I have not been here since my H cheated, when I was on the Surviving an Affair board. Well, we did not survive the A. My H moved out in June 2006, one day while I was at work. We have been married 18 years and dated for 7 years before that. I have been with him longer than I have not. Even though he cheated on me and lied to me and didn't treat me all that well alot of the time, I find myself very sad lately and missing him sometimes. He is seeing someone who is 21 years my junior (she is 26). Our son will be 18 soon, it is just creepy. I am having a really hard time accepting that he could be with someone so young. I think he has lied to her about his age and I wonder if she knows that we are not yet divorced. What makes it worse is that he lives just down the street from me, so I see her car at his house. I have been seeing a man, who treats me very nice. He has never said a mean thing to me, but I find myself analyzing his faults.
I guess, I just wanted to vent some, and realize that I am not alone. I am just so tired and really thought I would be married forever. My heart is broken and I just want to get past this and be happy. Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks a bunch!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
In reply to: usamama61
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 3:22pm

Just sending you {{{HUGS}}}. It is hard. Mine is out of the house, but hasn't revealed an OW yet. I know it will be tough. Mostly I don't want anyone else around my kids.

I am so sorry. Hope, somehow, it gets better. I am trying to imagine being happy and fulfilled without a mate -- that is my goal. Maybe you can think about that as an option. If a new "soul mate" comes along, great, but if not-- best to be happy and fulfilled in and of yourself!

Hugs again!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
In reply to: usamama61
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 9:09pm
I was married for 26 yrs and thought it would be taht way until one of us passed on.
H had an affair, long story short, our divorce was final 4 days after our 27th anniversary. I tried working on the marriage, he would give lip service saying he wanted the marriage to work, but he never put any effort into it.
Eventually my eyes were opened and I realized that he didn't want it.
Once in awhile I miss my ex, but not enough to consider getting back with him.
Sending some hugs your way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
In reply to: usamama61
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 6:44am

I was married for 27 years also and ended up alone. I can honestly say that I am much happier now. Oh I miss all the "family" traditions and the comfort zone of an intact family sometimes, but wouldn't go back to what it was for anything. Life is about changes and this is one of them. Look on the positive side of what you can do for you now. Now you have an opportunity to try different things that he wasn't interested in before. A relationship with another guy right now probably isn't a good idea. You have to be able to drive past that house without letting it bother you before you can move on.

Terry

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2005
In reply to: usamama61
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 6:27pm
Thank you for your replies. My mind agrees with all that you are saying. And I actually have got to do some things that I probably wouldn't have done if we were together. I went on a hiking vacation this summer with my brother. It was soooo fun! I know what Terry is saying about not dating someone right now, but in truth, my H and I were still having sex after he left. He was saying he would be fine if we were together without living together. I was not ok with that. I met this new guy on line and we talked for a long time before we met. I started to feel closer to him emotionally than I felt towards my H. I stopped sleeping with my H and eventually had my first date with new guy. I think I would still be sleeping with H, while he would be stringing me along. So I think meeting new guy helped me in that way.
Plus I found out last night, H and this young gal are "friends with benefits." She lives with her boyfriend. This just cements it for me, that my H's morals have not and probably will never change. So today, at least, I am feeling a little better.
Now if my attorney, would just get my divorce going.
Thank you again, each of you for your hugs and advice. I do appreciate it and it helps to know I am not alone with my heartbreak...