Mixed Emotions
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| Wed, 08-10-2005 - 6:59pm |
Hi Everyone,
I usually lurk here and have responded to a few posts. I am getting a divorce because my STBX wasn't happy in the marriage and cheated on me, once that I know of. He wanted a divorce and I have come to terms with it. Actually, it's the best thing for me. I was emotionally abused for the last 2 years and I don't think I could have taken much more. We have been separated since 3/05, and he is living with his parents. Now, I have mostly good days until today.
You see, my STBX is buying me out of our condo. I couldn't afford to make the payments so we finally agreed to have him buy me out. I signed the titled papers today and when I got back to my car, I started crying. I didn't expect it because I have been looking forward to starting my new life. I am very, very sad, actually. Has anyone experienced setbacks like this, or something similar? How did you overcome the sadness and get back on track?
Thanks : )

Good morning :)
I am so sorry I didn't see this when you originally posted....
Hugs to you.
I think all of us have experienced setbacks like this. For me, my ex cheated on me as well, I was pregnant and we have a now 6 year old son together. He left.... I was devistated. It took me 6 months to start dating again, actually I started dating as sort of a "get back" to my X. I dated a few guys, then meeting the one I am still with today. I filed for divorce 5 months later. After I filed for divorce, he stopped paying support. At the same time, I lost my job. I had no money and I was stuck with a HUGE rent payment that I could not afford. I had to move. I moved in with my boyfriend.....
Packing up the house was sad. I kept finding things. Like some candy that we had hidden on top of the kitchen cupboards to keep it away from our son from the Xmas before. I found a ceramin jewlery box that X had gotten for me at a yard sale that his father had that he picked out, "especially for me". Things like that. That was HARD. I was doing great, in a new relationship..... while cleaning the kitchen I had to stop to cry, because of finding these things. Then, I moved. I fought back tears all day. I had my boyfriend, his family and my dad and his girlfriend there to help. I just kept thinking, WHAT am I doing?
But once it was over, once I was in my new place with my new boyfriend starting our life together, I began to have "those" days less and less. I guess I started occupying ( sp ) my life with other things. Soon, the days just flew by without even thinking about it and I was over it!
I still miss our old house sometimes.... especially when my son says "remember when we lived on Ellen?" It makes me think of the happy times. For me, he left without me realizing there was
Even if you are having a amicable divorce you are still going through emotions of loss of hopes and dreams you had. It was a life you wanted and worked towards. Its normal to grieve that. I know I did. My ex was horrible to me and also cheated on me and left me and our kids for another woman. I was releived when he was gone - like a weight was lifted yet I still missed him and was dumbfounded by those feelings. It took a good 6 months to a year I guess to completley get to the point where there was no remanicant feelings left. Helped too when the divorce was completley final! Ours took almost three years!
Its normal hun you will be fine!
Hugs to you....I can understand your sadness....and yes, our stories are very similar....My heart goes out to you...My head and heart were so messed with for the last 8 years that I was severely depressed when H said he wanted out....I had been put down for so long that I really thought I was worth nothing.....after he moved out, I have come to realize that I was not the problem....I was not out drinking,cheating, and treating him with blatant disregard.....I am leaving with a clear conscience....He is now some other chics problem....
I think for me the hardest part of the whole divorce thing is the absolute uncertainty....It is enough to make you very sad...but I have been trying to just get in the mindset that no matter what ,I am to going to try my best not to dwell on what I do not have now (whether it be the house, money, or him )
and just look at it as an opportunity to get where I am supposed to be....Some days are great and some days are such a struggle that it sometimes hurts to even breathe....For me, my biggest struggle is that I still love him....He has been so cruel to me for so long that I should not...Frankly, I should have been the one to leave a long time ago...and I just can not even fathom that he was the one so desperate to leave and get a divorce......It has just gotten to the point that it is really funny to me sometimes.......Keep your chin up.....Trust me, better days are coming for all of us....till then take care of yourself...