Mother's day and the new girl friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Mother's day and the new girl friend
7
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 10:08am

May 8th is Mother's Day and his family is having a gathering for his mother. This is my weekend to have the kids but they will miss out on being with his family.

The issue that I'm having is that he's invited his new GF to the party. I just don't feel right about my kids spending mother's day with her. She's not a mother and she's definately NOT their mother.

So my question, do I risk being the "bad guy" in the eyes of the family by keeping them with me, or do I let them go and allow his GF to get to play house with my kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2005
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 11:42am

hi there
i am sorry, i don't have any good advice to give you on this...i wish i did. i am having a hard time with Mothers Day this year for a similar reason and I just wanted you to know I am thinking good thoughts for you and I hope you are OK with whatever you end up deciding to do. Can you split the day? It might be good for Grandma to see her grandchild on mother's day...but it's your day too. remember, that girlfriend can't replace you. i know it's scary...i can't sleep for thinking about my husband's girlfriend with my son...but you are the mommy and no one can take that away, no matter who he spends Mother's Day with.

hugs to you, hang in there
bridget

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 11:44am

Mother's day is exactly that...MOTHER'S DAY! Why would you let your X take the kids on your day at all? I know that I wouldn't because I am their MOM and no one can take that fact away from me! If I were in your shoes, I would care less what "the family" wants and take my kids somewhere special as this is the day that recognizes YOU as their MOTHER!

He has his day coming up and he can have them then!

Huge Hugs and quit worrying about what they think! It's your day to be pampered even if you are the one doing the pampering!

Melanie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 12:56pm

You know, it's Mother's Day, not grandmother's or dad's girlfriend's day. Unless you're going to have them on Father's Day, you should have them on Mom's. Besides which, sounds like it's your regular day with them. Don't worry about it. Plan something special and revel in it.

As far as his mom is concerned, there is a grandparents' day and I'll bet she'd love to be remembered then. No guilt!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 2:24pm

If you want my vote, your kids spend the day with you. PERIOD! If there is a legally enforceable possession order, I'll bet it says it's YOUR day. And I'll bet your ex is very aware of this. You really can't go wrong by following the law, now can you?

Good luck, don't doubt yourself, don't let the others' criticism of you penetrate--I've had to grow elephant hide.

Happy mother's day.

Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 2:38pm

Hi there!


Hugs to you, I also had an issue like this one. UGH!


I am supposed to get ALL holidays. I do feel bad and I made that effective in the divorce when I was "mad" at my ex.


I will admit it would be hard not to have the kids on holidays and I agree that them missing out on their family would be hard, but I also think that it is not your responsibility to worry about X's family gatherings.


Mother's day is about YOU. You are their mom. Start making your own traditions. Your kids will start making their own memories.


Your ex can make plans with his family another time. He can involve the kids. I used to run myself ragged trying to make time for everyone. Then I decided, you know what? It's HIS responsibility to have the kids see them. It's part of taking too much on these shoulders.


Good luck to you and MANY hugs,


Angelena

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 4:59pm
Thanks guys for your support. I figure that his family will hopefully be understanding since they are mothers too. I just don't think that his girlfriend should be involved so soon. He must not be thinking clearly to think that I'd want them to be with her on that day. Whatever!!! It's not going to happen so I'm not worrying
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 10:17am

Hey....


Most good parenting agreements state that the mother gets the kids on Mother's Day... and the father on Father's Day--no matter whose weekend it officially is.


However.... although my parenting plan states that, I know already that our vacation will put us leaving to go out of town on Saturday before Father's Day (which is also, technically, his weekend... but again, our parenting plan says that he can take them on 2 full weeks of vacation, as can I... which will interrupt the regular schedule and we must accommodate).


So..... since the kids will be with him anyway on Mother's Day..... I'm letting him keep them.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~