moving and custody

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
moving and custody
4
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 12:21pm
Hey all,
I have a question. I have primary custody of my girls. We did the whole custody eval etc... I have primary custody and make all educational and medical decisions per evaluators reccomendations. Ex is abusive and has some other issues. The girls' therapist would like to make reccomendation that they spend less time with him. Therapist says custody evaluation was right on track indicating personality disorders and limited ability to parent.
Fast forward- three years. I met a wonderful guy. The problem is he lives across a state line. Only about 1 1/2 hrs away. How do I go about making a case to move if things keep moving forward and we get married? BF is very stable professional. He has 50% custody of his kids. I would welcome the opportunity to have a little distance from ex. I would appreciate any advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: bupcie
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 2:35pm

bupcie...

Pianoguy suggests that you consult with lawyer or legal advisor who has a good, working knowledge of the marital-divorce process. He or She really can provide a better answer.

You didn't indicate if the conditions for primary custody (for the girls) required you to remain in the state in which you're currently residing? So why not 'double check' those divorce papers and look for any clauses that specifically give you any mileage boundaries or prevent you from moving?

However...before you begin 'packing your bags'...what do your daughters think about a change in location and lifestyle? How do they like the idea of sharing you with someone else's children?

You didn't provide their ages, but if they're teenagers, you might have some 'unexpected resistance' when you bring up the idea of living somewhere else with someone else?

Most divorced parents really get uncomfortable when they've made that suggestion...and their children respond by screaming the words: NO WAY!

Good Luck!!!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
In reply to: bupcie
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 3:08pm
Thank you pianoguy. My girls are 6. They are twins. Right now their dad has one night a week and every other weekend. The EOW would be no problem at all. He could still see them on his night for dinner just not be abl to take them overnight during school year. He only works half-day. There were no restrictions put on moving. I think ex's lawyer was looking out for my girls in a lot of ways and did not suggest things like that to him. My ex was happy that he called me all kinds of names in court and dragged me through the mud but all in all his lawyer did look out for my babies. His lawyer even came in to our meeting room( my lawyer and me) and insisted we have his wages attached for CS.
With the new guy, it is still in early stages. We are having all the kids meeting etc... We have been dating for about 6 months. My BF has met the therapist and we are taking one step at a time. I was just wondering if there is anything I should be doing now. Thank you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: bupcie
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 4:35pm

I agree with pg.... you need to check in with an attorney right now to see if your present agreement will need to be modified.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
In reply to: bupcie
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 4:39pm

The first question is, is there anything in your divorce decree or separation agreement that states you are NOT allowed to take the children and move out of state or take them across state lines with out expressed written permission?

If there is no verbage included in any documentation in which you signed, then you are within your right to move and take the children whereever you wish. That is usually how it works.

I have edited this post to include the sentence: "I am not an attorney, therefore, please check with your attorney to confirm the terms of your agreement."




Edited 5/24/2006 10:49 pm ET by got2bkidding