Moving in with a friend? Good/bad idea?
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| Wed, 04-26-2006 - 11:23am |
I figured I would ask all my friends here this question before jumping in feet first. My friend has asked if my dd and I want to move in with her while we are getting back on our feet. She says that I won't have to pay rent, she'd like to do the grocery shopping together, and other than that she didn't say much about what she expected other than to give me some healing time.
She's a friend from our church in NC. I have heard from a few people I should move in to my own place and get on my own feet right from the start...and from others I've heard that I should lean on my friends and family right now.
One thing is that if I move in with her we will only be 10-30 minutes from my stbx and he is furious that I'm following him to that part of NC and doesn't want me to. I think that I'll be so busy with getting in to my own routine that I won't be bothering him like he thinks. He thinks that living in the same area I will be constantly calling him and trying to get back together with him.
What a drama...there is alway more drama!

There are COUNTLESS women going through divorces that had to move in with their parents, friends, etc. If you think it is going to make your life and your daughter's life easier for a time, I say do it. It would certainly save you money. I'm sure the people that say you should stand on your own two feet have a decent bankroll to move out with, or money from family. Well, not all of us have that luxury!
As for what your STBX thinks....that's just too bad for him. You do what you need in order to improve your life. I'm surpised that he wouldn't be happy that his child is going to be closer to him.
What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thanks Christine. I think I've made the decision to move in with my friend for a "vacation" as she calls it. I feel like I'm trying to talk everyone around me in to it for some reason.
My stbx probably doesn't want me around because his guilt is going to be getting the best of him knowing that I'm staying with one of our friends because of his actions. I also think that he would prefer for us to be far away from him so that I can't catch him with the OW. If he keeps out of trouble for 6 months then he gets in less trouble with the Marine Corps...but if he gets caught with the OW or there is more drama then the suspended sentence they gave him comes in to play. I think he knows he wants to continue the affair and is focussing on how not to get caught and not our child.
I'm sure everyone here at this board will see amazing changes in me once I am back around loving friends and family. I always do awesome and feel so good about myself and stop letting my stbx get away with the way he treats me when I'm around these loved ones.
I just have to tell you that I read this post and you sounded in so many ways, upbeat and positive about the future... I am one of those women who lives with her Mom... my Mom got the house when she and my Dad divorced and my xh and I moved in here to try to save some money and such after their divorce because I was commuting 62 miles each way to work... when xh left, he moved out, there was never a question of who was going, which was comforting in a lot of ways... I have almost completely paid off my bills and am now working towards savings and such... I am almost to where I was when I got married... I've always been a saver and xh was a spender... in the spend and don't tell you about it so you wind up several hundred dollars overdrawn kind of way...
I think it can be a good idea to move in with someone to help get your feet back under you... don't forget to do special things sometimes for your friend as a thank you... because she is doing you a great favor... and the heck with xh... he can't say anything about where you live... if he doesn't like it tough...
*hugs*
Julie
Thank you for the encouragement. I am so ready to get out of our house and move in with my friend. Today held more drama for me....but I will over come all this and feel worthy of love again some day.
My stbx loves to kick me when I'm down it seems....then he has this way of making me feel like it's all my fault. I can't trust a word he says and I can't trust my emotions anymore because following my heart wouldn't get me out of this situation. I'm realizing today that it is worse than I thought....I had thought it was all my fault that I drove him in the arms of another woman and it just isn't so.
Thanks for listening.
You're welcome... that's what we're all here for... to provide that support and understanding that comes from being there...
*hugs*
Julie