Moving out day

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2005
Moving out day
5
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 4:21pm
How in the world does one get through this devastating day. I have been married for 37 years, and he moved out today. I came home alone to empty closet and dresser. He said in Nov. he wanted a divorce, but then came back after a week to retry, promising not to leave again. Not so fast....yesterday, he said he wanted out of the marriage, and was moving out today. I am a wreck, feeling worse now than in Nov. I feel I have failed in the marriage twice, instead of once. He makes tons of money, and will have much to spend on grandchildren, etc. and I resent being pushed out of the family circle. I have always worked until this move to TX, and now am almost 60 years old, with rusty skills. I am so sad....any advice? I will probably move back to MD in a couple of months, as both daughters and 3 grandbabies and my sister are there. But today I am just unbelievably sad. I believe moving to TX 4 years ago was a mistake.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: dagkarma
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 5:49pm
Hugs! I am so sorry you find yourself in need of our board, but I am glad you found us. There are lots of wonderful people here, with lots of great advice. May you find comfort that we've all been there and do understand. I was in shock too. The shock stage seems to be lingering with me. I still have days that I must remind myself that he is really gone. You have not failed your marriage, once or twice. It takes two people to make a marriage work and you weren't the one who jumped ship. Divorce is incredibly hard on our self-esteems. You are lovable and worthy. I know what it feels like to be left with nothing. My ex makes 3 times what I do now working full time. I am making it though, and without his help. There is something to be said about doing it yourself. It is sort of liberating. I think my ex thought I would just go off and die somewhere. You won't be pushed out of the family circle just because of finances. You have so much more to offer. Your children and grandchildren will know that. Your love will be true and you will never try to buy them. Moving back to MD sounds perfect. There's nothing like family to get you through this. I am sending you many hugs and an angel to watch over you. The pain will get better. It just takes time. Come and join us again.
Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: dagkarma
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 11:00pm

Sweetheart - YOU are not "pushed" out of the family ... HE walked out!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: dagkarma
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 11:51pm

I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this... it surely isn't easy anytime it happens... I would recommend taking it just one day at a time... one hour at a time if a day seems like too much to handle... five minutes at a time if one hour seems like too much as most of us can handle anything for five minutes...

Don't look at it as being pushed out of the family... you are as much a part of that family as he is... except he's chosen to walk... like the others have said, they don't love you because of money or material things... your family loves you for you... let them do that...

I think that moving back to MD sounds like a good option for you as well. Sounds like you have a lot of family there that could help you get back on your feet... emotionally and potentially financially. And yes, in hindsight, the move to TX may appear to be a mistake, but I doubt you could have seen that a couple of years ago... we do what we feel is right for our families at the time we are pressed to make a decision...

You may not want to hear this right now... but you might want to go ahead and speak with an attorney to determine exactly what your rights are... one of the scariest things about what you are going through is all of the unknowns... but by learning your rights, you will feel a little better in some small way...

I hope that you'll come back soon and keep us posted with how you're doing....

*hugs*

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2005
In reply to: dagkarma
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 6:14am
Thanks for your kind, articulate response. I actually went to dinner with friends/neighbors last p.m., and that was helpful as in not being in the house alone. I know there are many graver problems in the world, and I am also glad my kids/grandkids are healthy and happy. I just need time and perspective....it certainly is a trauma, for sure. Congratulations on your success and ability to move on...it helps to know that there is life after this! So much of a longterm marriage is habit, and that is hard to break....thanks again. I'll keep in contact...this board is helpful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: dagkarma
Sun, 02-05-2006 - 8:32am
hugs....

i am so sorry for you pain. just remember that this is not *your* failure, altho i do know what you mean - i also felt liek i failed in two marriages, but there are two sides to each marriage. your husband is the one who wanted out - not you. i hope that you will work things out financially. and i do think that moving close to your family will be good for you.