The moving process has begun

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
The moving process has begun
4
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 9:48am

My husband has started the process of moving his stuff to his new place(I am keeping our house). I packed up a bunch of his stuff a few weeks ago(just stuff that I know he doesn't think about..ie kitchen junk), so he has started moving those boxes. He has started to pack up his desk also. At first I was anixous because he wasn't packing at all. But now that he is actually moving it is really sad. I guess this is just another reminder that it is really over.

I will be glad when this week is over, so I can start moving on with my life. I am looking forward to having my house all to myself, but this week will be very hard.

My kids don't seem bothered by the move. My five year old has known for about a month that his father is moving out and he seems to be taking it okay. He was very sad at first, but we have talked about it several times and he is somewhat comfortable with the idea now. I know that will change once my husband is actually out of the house. I don't really think my son undestands fully the impact this will have. My two year old doesn't get it at all and I am really unsure how to explain it to her. I have to take a class on the affects of divorce on children(court ordered) this Tuesday, so I am hoping that will help me.

Wish me luck this week!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 10:15am

Hugs to you. I am toward the very end of my divorce, and I think the most difficult part thus far was moving out (I was the one that moved out). I felt like everything was very real then, and it really was the point of no return. I remember packing things up, thinking, "Wow, this is really happening." Even though I knew for a long time our marriage was dead, it still hurt and was scary.

The first couple of weeks your children will still be adjusting. If you have a workable and flexible custody/visitation arrangement in mind, I'm sure they'll transition more smoothly than you think. I also went to the court-ordered parenting class (a requirement in CT, too). I found it very helpful. The facilitator was good, but I learned a lot from the other parents in the class. They came from all walks of life and had a variety of different situations going on, ranging from custody issues, divorce, paternity, etc. It's always good to know you're not the only one going through something.

And make sure you're taking good care of yourself! As moms, we tend to forget that. Very important.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 10:41am
You are where I was this time last year. It was VERY difficult for a while once he moved out. My then 7-year-old was very upset at night. During the day she was fine but at night she'd cry for me at his house or for him at my house. It took a while to adjust and sometimes it's still hard.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 7:27pm

Luck is definitely coming your way!..... I think it's good that you've had the opportunity to talk to your older child before the changes actually start to happen.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 10:33pm

Hi Toni...

I'll be thinking of you this week and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I feel like this is one of the hardest steps, because it truly is the actual start of things... you talk about it... you talk to lawyers about it... you talk to your friends about it... but for a while, it is a lot of talk... not necessarily talk without action (because its just not time yet), but talk nonetheless...

I didn't want to be here when my xh moved out... my Mom was an angel and a saint and was here while he moved his stuff out... of course, I was always horribly paranoid when I came home... wondering what would be missing... he honestly didn't take as much as I thought he would, as quickly as I anticipated him doing so (and therefore, because I was weak), I allowed his moving out to last 6 or 8 weeks... I had offers from neighbors who supported me, to buy some of his stuff off of me, just to anger him, but I refused...

As far as the parenting class goes, I hope that you'll be plesantly surprised... when I was advised that such a class was required in my county, I really got a bad attitude about it... what are they going to teach me? After all, I had been single handedly parenting my then 2 year old all by my lonesome for several months... but it really helped... gave me some insight as to what Joey would be facing and how he'd show stress at his age and things that could be done to make it easier on him... I still find myself reviewing my notes and the book that they provided... it was a great resource and recommend a class like this, even when its not required!

*hugs*

Julie