Moving & starting all over after divorce

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Moving & starting all over after divorce
2
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 1:38pm

Hi Everyone,

Happy holidays! I haven't posted in a long time, but I have been reading the board.

My divorce was supposed to be final in court in Sept but got pushed back to March '07 due to two other "higher priority" cases. By the time March arrives, the process will be nearly 2 years long. A lot of happened and it has been a mess with no communication possible with difficult STBX. He walked out of mediation last summer, we went back to the attys, and now I'm trying to negotiate through our mediator since the attys have not been able to get him to negotiate. I guess we'll have to wait until the permanent orders in March, where the judge will make the final decision. Needless to say, this has been a tremendous drain on me.

Would love to hear from those of you who moved out of state after your divorce (or separation) to start all over again. I am considering doing this as I rebuild my life. My daughter (8th grade) has decided to live with her dad full time, and my son who will graduate this year from high school lives with me full time. I am looking into colleges in the area that I'm considering moving to -- probably next fall. I will also look into high schools out there for my daugther next fall if she decides she wants to live with me. Co-parenting with their father in such a close proximity has been extremely difficult as he continues to try and call the shots. When my daugther is with me, he calls constantly. I would have flying privileges and could fly myself and the kids back and forth, so travel and visits would be no problem for me.

Any input would be appreciated. Thanks, Belinda

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2006
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 5:39pm

wow,

this is exactly what i'm considering, after a longg, grueling, bitter, combative, horrific divorce process, inclusive of lies, adultery (on HIS part with skank GF), and ugly custody "threats", relative to our twin DSs, who will be officially transitioning to their father's home, full-time, beginning the first of the year. and i absolutely CANNOT bear another month being in the same city as STBX!! i really, really would love to move back to the east coast, and fly my sons out there when possible & truly start my life over again. because i'm just miserable here and continue to be depressed and stressed with stbx's control, emotinal cruelty, and spitefulness.

just not certain with one of my sons truly NOT wanting to go live with him, but the other REALLY wants to; i struggle with considerable "mommie guilt", but then, how i look at it, i've been there for my sons 24/7 since day 1, whereas their father has NOT, and now, it is "his turn" to be a parent, especially in their pre-puberty to teenage years, when fathers are supposed to step it up with their sons during those crazy ages from 11-17; i indeed look forward to hearing thoughts on this issue.

the only way i stopped STBX calling constantly was getting my sons their own cell phone, this way i absolutely DO NOT have to interact with him and can contact my babies directly when they are in his home. it's working out great, so, maybe could work out for your daughter, too.

well wishes ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 11:53pm
Your divorce sounds about as horrible as mine. Like you, I too have been there since day 1 for these children. Their father has done some very cruel things as well. He has tried to take both kids away from me, but was not successful, and my son doesn't even care to be around him at this time. The cell phone is a good idea, however, I hardly get any child support and simply cannot afford it for her. I am hoping 2007 will be a much better year, with an end to a draining divorce. Best wishes to you as well. :)