My 11 year old lost it last night :(

I come to this not as someone who has been married and divorced, but as the child of divorce. I do not mean to minimize the pain of the adults who are ending the marriage, nor do I think people should stay together when that is diminishing them. However, my parents had a relatively 'good' divorce - they did not use us as weapons or carriers of information, they did not make us do things we didn't want to do. But the pain of your family as you know it ending is very overwhelming. It is hard to believe it is not someone's fault, and to not be angry. In our case, my father left, but it was my mother I was angry with. My father intervened and told me that it was not her fault and to be good to her. That helped some. Therapy/counseling was not something generally available when I was a child. But I urge you o find a good counselor for your children, to give them a safe place to be sad, angry, disappointed, etc. Because in our case, my mother was in so muchpain and we were so afraid that my dad would abandon us like he had abandoned our family that we had little place to express feelings. As much as you can, do not make your child make choices about who he spends time with, but listen to him and try to accommodate his needs. This cannot be about what you need from your child, it has to be about what he needs from the adults who he trusted to take care of him and who are now, even though this is not their intent, hurting him. In time, things get better. If you and his father end up happier, he will see this. But I will tell you that although I love my father, and have a good relationship with him, I always remember that he chose to be happy at the expense of other people's happiness. My life was harder, emotionally and financially than it would have been had my parents not divorced. I am OK with where I am at this point in my life, and I wouldn't be as strong and independent if I has traveled a different path. But it has been hard, so please get your child the support he needs. Best wishes SJ