My bias
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My bias
| Mon, 04-18-2005 - 3:35pm |
OK, I'll explain why I have a different opinion than most people on this board. It's not because I am a man and hate women. Six years ago, my step-mother left my father after 17 years of marriage. She took a lot of his money even though she has been unfaithful. After 2 years of living with a broken heart, my father blew his brains out with a pistol. Now you know the rest of the story...

I am sorry for your loss. I believe you have shared this with us before and I know it has to be incredibly painful. My father also killed himself, although I don't have anyone to blame but him.
I think the key here is that we are not your step-mother. Most of us do not think like her and never will. Most people IMHO don't. It's not that your step-mother just took everything on her own, there are laws that allowed that to happen, laws that we all have to live by. It doesn't make it right or fair, but life and the law usually aren't fair. There are many women here who are suffering like your father did, being left with nothing and lots of mouths to feed on top of that. I personally have a hard time imagining what it is like to see your spouse walk out the door, quit his job, and disappear knowing it means you can't afford the mortgage and you and the children have no place to go. We have women here facing that. We have women who have been abused and are suffering so much, which is also hard to imagine if you haven't gone through it (I have not). If you answer most posts from the perspective of 'all women are heartless' like your step-mom, your time here is not going to be enjoyable and the people you post to will not get much out of it. If someone posts in anger, I just assume they are in a lot of pain. If you can post taking each post as it's own, recognizing each situation and every person is different, and instead of 'telling them they are wrong' you can 'suggest they look at it from this or that perspective' then you might be able to get your points across.
I understand your bias, but take responsibility for what it is, bias, and try not impose your feelings about you step-mothers actions on us.
And since I ask most everyone this - I'll ask you too... have you gone to therapy to deal with your father's suicide? How old were you when that happened? I was 11.
OK steinberg, this ony reiterates that you too have issues that need to be dealt with in your life...this now makes sense to me as to why you sound so bitter and enraged. I am so sorry that this woman did this to your dad and devastated him enough to take his own life! That must be a very hard thing to face. I have a clearer understanding of where you are coming from, but please, don't think all of us are like that. Some women are golddiggers and are only in a marriage for one thing - money. Those women will not earn my respect! I assure you that most of us have been "cleaned out" by our STBX's or X's and face financial devastation because of it.
I am a SAHM, and have 2 dd's living at home with me. My STBX cleaned the bank acct's out the day he left and has not paid a dime towards any bills since. My home is in foreclosure, my phone will be shut off shortly and the utilities are over $1,000.00. I can barely keep them on with the measly 200.00 I get from the state each month. My atty's bill is quickly climbing (over $16000.00 to date) and my STBX keeps playing his games and motioning the courts for more and more continuances just so he can play these games.
He has continually neglected my dd's and cares nothing of them.. He is only hell bent on hurting me and uses the kids to do this. My 13 yo wants nothing to do with him, even though I encourage her to spend time with him, and my poor 6 yo is so torn that she's not quite sure which end is up! I have them both in counseling too, but it doesn't seem to be working fast enough. They are hurt and can't begin to understand that none of this is their fault. I explain it to them but they don't hear. Can you blame them with their dad acting this way?
Now you know where my anger comes from. I am in counseling, but I can't get it outof my system...especially when he continues to be irresponsible with the kids. They are my pride and joy because, I carried them, fed them, loved them with every ounce of my being and I loved their dad with all of my heart. I trusted him and he has turned his back on us...
As far as the other posters go, I don't always agree with everything said, but I do have an open mind and try to look at it from their point of view. Your posts just came across as an attack. Now that I know what has happened to you, I can open my mind and heart and be there for you too!
Please don't leave the board like this. Feel free to vent and let us help you any way we can! I'm sorry for my harsh words...
Melanie
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I am truly sorry for your loss. it must be a very difficult thing to live with - losing a parent is never easy, but losing someone under tragic circumstances just makes things more complicated.
just one little note, however: I think that as difficult as this has been for you - it really doesn't give you the *right* to hurt other people. it sounds to me like you are a very ANGRY person - it really comes thru in your posts. and i do understand where you are coming from - but that doesn't really make it *ok*. I really hope that you will be able to get some help for yourself.
all the best to you