My Counsler Defends Him
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My Counsler Defends Him
| Wed, 08-09-2006 - 11:30pm |
My STBX Left me out of the blue one day, and has not been back. At this point he's literatly crazy. Seriously...I know he's messed up on pain killers, but I don't think he's mentally available. He started making up things that never happened in our relationship and when he filed for the divorce he filed for mental cruelty and irreconciable differences. I am so laid back, honest and gentle that I couldn't even hurt a fly...I didn't critize him all the time and I didn't put undue pressure or blame on him ever. Mentally cruel...would be the exact opposite of me, especially since I devoted the last 6 years to making him happy and taking care of his needs first. I saught counseling immediately after he left, and have been going once a week trying to get a grip on life, and out of the shook that he's gone and I still don't understand why. My counselor at first was very helpful, just listening and trying to help me get unconfused. Then I asked my stbx to go and see her and explain these things to her, so she could help me to understand. He made an appointment the very next day. (he does things like this that don't make sense to me.) He basically told her that he did everything, he told me repeatedly he was unhappy, (never said anything to me) that I took him for granted etc...but at the same time tells her He enjoy's my company and my sense of humor and that I'm pretty and intellegent than rips me to pieces making himself a victim. WHich is typical of him. Okay long story short this was almost 7 weeks ago. I've been seeing her still and she keeps telling me that my interpretation and his are just different. In fact I often feel that she is taking his side. Like I'm the one that pushed him out of the marriage. Even to the point where she said to me that when my stbx was in she would have agreed with him for the divorce but that our stories are so opposite she feels they are two different marriages. I don't really know what to think but I continually ask her for some advice on how to handle certain issues and how to interpert his behavior, and she defends him saying it's all his perception. I was the other half of the marriage and I know what really happened, (I've told her this) so why is he lying? What could be wrong with him? How do I begin to accept his negative and imaginative description of our marriage...it totally shoots my self esteem down that he thinks I was abusive in any way. Should I stay with this counselor...is this what counseling is all about. Is she just trying to get me to see his side...but yet not helping me to define why it's completely different from mine. I feel as though she truely belived him and yet...she's my counselor...shouldn't she be treating me...not defending him? Sometimes I even feel as though she doesn't believe me...that I have to prove her her somehow I'm telling the truth. Can he be that manipulative in one session that she would actually pick sides? I'm not sure she is the right person for me..but I'm not sure what to expect from counseling. What do I do?
Signatures On
| Thu, 08-10-2006 - 12:24pm |
Maybe get a second opinion from another counselor? I sound a lot like you - I can't even step on bugs sometimes; yet my IC would tell me I have to stand up to H's emotional abuse with "I" statements, which I had at times and he didn't have any remorse for hurting me. Also, when I told the IC that I just "knew" he was cheating (so, so many red flags, just nothing concrete YET), she kept saying "but you don't know." I wondered too if he had hired her as his spin person!!! Maybe I should try another counselor too, but hang in there, I think some counselors may not be as unbiased as they seem to be.
