My emotions need to catch up...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2006
My emotions need to catch up...
2
Sat, 07-29-2006 - 11:06pm

So I have the new house, new job, new routine, new friends...all the stuff I was suppose to focus on getting so I could get over my ex, however, my ex and I fight constantly and I can't let go! I just read someone else's post about not being able to let go and I feel for you...this is a terrible part of the journey!

As the dumpee (having been dumped) is it normal/natural for your emotions and old habits (fighting, controlling, etc.) to take a while to fade?

How do we stop trying to control each other? How do we let go and truly move on? Some dctor somewhere has to have put all these answers in writing somewhere...any good books you can suggest?

I can't stop thinking that we will just have to get back togther and work on our differences because life isn't going to work any other way...we have pets, kids and many years together. However, the relationship was never very healthy and we can both probably find someone who will treat us better, but there is something nice about that history together that keeps me wishing things could work themselves out...that he'd have a change of heart and just get over his selfish ways! Unfortunately I have one of the those ex's who blames the demise of our relationship and his affair on me.

TIA for any help. Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2006
Sun, 07-30-2006 - 9:27am
Hi, you sound like me alot. My husband and I split up in April after 7 years and for 6 years it was not good. He walked out but if I am honest I wanted it over like he did. I am having a hard time letting go also. My friend told me to focus on the positives in my life and to have no contact with him unless it is about the kids. She also told me reality is I am actually living every day without a man and I am doing just fine. That was a comfort to me. I am working 7 days a week raising 3 kids on my own and it is working without his help. I hope it helps. But I understand it is easier said then done on letting go. I have come to the realization that I do not want to get back togethor with him b/c I do not want to live in he**.
Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-30-2006 - 11:38am

Hey Julie... I'm Julie too! It took me a long time to get through everything too... to start just living and stop worrying about him and as long as I was worried about him, he was controlling me in some way... and if he wasn't controlling me, he was controlling my emotions...

I would continue doing things for yourself... and continue to add new things... is there a cause that you believe in that you would like to volunteer some of your time for? Is there a long list of books/movies that you want to read or see? Somewhere you've always wanted to go, but haven't yet (maybe because of x, maybe not)? Sometimes you have to get yourself so busy for a little while that you don't have time to waste on what could have been...

None of us here ever planned on getting married so we could divorce... but it happens... do some couples get back together after time apart, sure... but typically that occurs after each partner does some work on themselves, seeing where the issues are within themselves so they can then work on their issues together better... if you have too much contact with the x right now, that ~may~ make things harder... I found that only contact regarding our child works best for us...

Are you in counseling? I know that my counselor helped me a great deal during this time... it was an ugly time, but you will make it through it... there's a song out right now... if you're going through hell, just keep on going... you just have to keep going through it...

Good Luck...

Julie