My Ex Is Already Married Again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
My Ex Is Already Married Again!
16
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 5:58pm

Hello! I would like to get some feedback on what y'all think about this. My ex and I have been divorced a year and a half. Yes, that is a little while, but I was shocked to find out last night from a friend that my ex has already married the girl he started seeing right after our divorce. I should say I'm shocked and not surprised at the same time. My ex is 32 years old and now on his third marriage with the new girl! He and I were married 3 years and he was married to his first wife for a year and a half.

So, have any of you experienced getting the news that your ex has married again? How did you feel? Part of me feels like I can really move on now, because if he's already married again, then it really is over.

I have talked to our old neighbors who still live by my husband and none of them think highly of his new wife. Part of me wonders if he just settled since he met her only like a week after our divorce was finalized. He met her on e-harmony and even told me he wished she'd lose some weight. My ex didn't even sound sure about her and now they're married. Strange!

Thanks for reading this!

Michelle

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2007
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 6:43pm

I'm with you, I don't get it. Getting married again isn't something I'd rush into, either. My Xh got remarried 41 days after our divorce was final, to a woman he only met 3 months before that. My son sat there and figured out how long it took and said 'Dad was only single for 41 days??!!' I just shrugged my shoulders.

I'm very glad I went back to my maiden name, especially after he got remarried. It's sad for the kids (she has 4 of her own) but as far as me, it makes me laugh!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 8:13pm
I am 100% possitive the same thing is going to happen with me. The first time STBX and I seperated he had a 'fiance' not even a month later. This time around he started seeing someone again immediately, and I'm sure she probably calls herself his fiance too! lol. Last time I didn't divorce him because I didn't want him rushing in to things and making things weird for our child...but this time I'm not going to do that and am still trying to find a lawyer that's decently priced! yeesh.
You will get through this too!
((hugs))
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 9:01pm

Michelle,


Your ex sounds like a "serial marry-her."

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 10:33pm
I can beat your story. LOL My xh married his current w BEFORE the divorce was final. Smart cookies, eh? They had to go and remarry the next week since they decided to not wait the 30 days after the order was signed per law. DUH! Who in the world was issuing marriage licenses that week?? They should stand in line next to the two of them for the lineup for new brains.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Sat, 08-04-2007 - 6:17am

My ex married his mistress 3 months after he could legally from when our marriage was absolute in our state. Luckily I had been going through counseling so all it did was make me laugh hysterically because I knew it wouldn't last (which it didn't they were divorced 3 years later) he too is now 34 years old and divorced twice. I'm sure he'll be a 3 time loser soon enough but so far hasn't found wife number 3 yet.

I think getting over a marriage is a very individual thing michelle, I think everyone does it in their own time and nobody should tell you that you should get over it in anyone elses time line. I do however think that you should take whatever valuable resources that are available to you in the world, whether it be counseling, church, self help books, etc. and use it to your advantage, soak up their knowledge to better yourself this is what I did and I have bettered my situation and came out on top on the other side learned from my situation, so anything you can do to pick yourself up, to heal, become stronger and to say look at me now and to present an emotionally healthier woman to the world. I say do it!!!

GOOD LUCK!

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Sat, 08-04-2007 - 12:32pm

Thanks for all your great replies! A lot of them made me laugh!

Yeah, I guess now I've come to the realization that marriage is not a big deal for my ex if it's so easy for him to marry and divorce people so quick. Marriage and going through a divorce are big deals to me.

For anyone reading this, trust your gut instincts with the opposite sex! I remember when I met my ex I was 25 at the time and told myself I wouldn't want to marry anyone at that age who was divorced already. Well, he finally told me after three dates he'd been married before. He was 26 at the time. I went against my rule, and married him anyway, and he never tried in our marriage. It's too late now, but I should have listened to my inner voice.

And, like one poster said, he may get bored with wife #3 and try contacting me. He was contacting wife #1 when he was with me!

Michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 4:46pm

>>>I think getting over a marriage is a very individual thing<<<

In the case of my xh, it was more a matter of his self-esteem taking a huge blow if I had remarried first. He has very little self-esteem, as is the norm with a severely abusive person. Had I remarried first, it would have meant that I was "better" than him or something in his mind. I don't fully understand the mind set, but it was explained to me by my therapist. Apparently, this is common among a certain group of men.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 6:15pm

I meant that I hate it when good meaning friends think you should be "over it" in their time frame. Like hey you've been divorced for 6 months you should be "over it" by now. Well who are they to tell you that you should be over it, it's not their life, it's your life, you'll "get over it" when your ready, it's a very individual thing.

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 8:04pm
Okay, I don't know if I was taking it out of context or what. I'm not in a good state of mind. Sorry. What you say makes a lot of sense.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 7:51am
Oh hugs. No need to be sorry that's why I wanted to clarify it.

Smile,

Deirdre

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