my family love my ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
my family love my ex
2
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 1:56am
Ok, this is my first time...don't we all say that? Anyway...I have been married for 10 years and have decided I can not take it anymore. My husband was not physically abusive, but the mental and verbal abuse I have taken over the years has made me into someone I do not recognize. He accused me of being jealous and insecure...so I am...it is kind of hard not to feel these things when someone continually puts you down, calls you names, and basically ignores you. I finally got the guts and left - it has been a struggle...divorce sucks. To the point of my discussion - everyone loves my ex. To make a long story short, my brother, who has been my rock, seems to be hanging out with my ex more than me. At first, I told him I didn't mind, as my ex is a good guy - TO EVERYONE ELSE! But my brother knows what I have gone through...anyway, he has blown me off again and I know he is with my ex. Am I right to be mad? Or is my insecurity just going off the scale? I am supposed to go for a BBQ tomorrow for Dad's day, and I am considering just going to see my dad in the morning and skipping my brother's because I am very hurt. I am sure that is not right, but how do you handle it? Any advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 8:31am

Does your brother realize this hurts you???? I went through something similiar with my parents when my h and I first split. My parents were going over to his house to get the scoop on our issues and my father even bought his car from him for 3K to help him out. I was very angry and hurt because my x-H had everyone helping him, offering to buy him stuff for his apartment and I didn't have one person offering to help me pay for furniture that he took or giving me money to help pay bills that he was no longer responsible for.

Anywhoo, I got really upset and blew up one day and my mother was upset because she didn't realize that it upset me so. It just felt like everyone was taking his side.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 10:09am

Hello and welcome to the boards :)


Hugs to you, I am sorry i didn't see this sooner.


This hits a note with me. I am dealing with this situation as well. My mother, has decided that being friends with OW and XH is more important than her relationship with me. I have been in your shoes. I found out about it from my 6 year old son, as he was coming home from XH's house. He told me he saw Grandma and my Aunt. I asked XH he said they went to dinner. WHAT??? lol I questioned why would they go over my head to see the kids, why not call me??? I have another son of whom my mother doesn't even know, he is 6 months old. My Aunt has never met him so I was hurt that they decided to see them instead of ALL of us. I later found out that my mother spent mother's day with OW and XH, no kids involved. Believe me, I completely understand your hurt. I have not spoken to my mom since she told me that she wanted to be friends with OW, she hoped that would be ok with me..... obviously it isn't. XH left me for this woman, he cheated on me with this woman, so I would think my mother would steer clear of both of them.


Sometimes we have to do things that may not seem right for other people but is right for us. I have a lot of feelings to deal with with regards to my family, it is better if I don't see or talk to them right now. That is my decision but it was what was best for me. The kids, well they can see their grandmother anytime XH has them. So it is truly about me. Selfish as it sounds... you have to do it. If you are like me you spent a lot of your time doing things for other people. Never taking care of you. Well this was a good place to start for me. Oddly enough, my ulcers have calmed down and I am sleeping a lot better.


Take time for you. If you have to just go see your dad, go do it :) It's about your dad anyway today. Take time to deal with your feelings.


Hugs to you and good luck.


Angelena