My father keeps getting involved. HELP!!
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 12-26-2006 - 8:19am |
Hi everyone,
I am really troubled by my father and my mother. I have been married for 16 years. This is the second time my husband and I have filed for divorce. The first time we reconciled because I wanted to make sure that I was just not angry at him for the infidelity and the mean things he did while we were separated.
During that time, my parents got involved and would not help me at all. They even went as far as supporting him on 50/50 custody, even though he was never home and I know that the job change he claimed he was doing would never happen. My mother told me that she would do what she had to to help him. Basically, my parents became his and I had not support at all because I am an only child. I was isolated and afraid.
Now, a year and 1/2 later, I am at the same place. We moved to another state,I quit my job, and have been on my own here for a long time. He worked late, went to business dinners and basically had no time for me except when he wanted to. He was a great financial provider, but as far as anything else I was emotionally and physically alone.
On top of it all, he has been emotionally and verbally abusing me for years. Forcing me to have sex etc. In Nov. I got a restraining order and he was removed from the house. He was forced to vacate on the 29th and the restraining order was removed.
Now my dad. During that time my father went to my STBX attorney and testified in an affadavit that I am a bad mother. He made many false accusation which were then going to be used against me because he was misguided by my STBX. My father even went as far as to call my friend to try to get her involved.
When my father decided to tell me what he did, I fell apart. I told him to not come to my home anymore. I also called my mother and asked her to do the same.
I finally got my father to realize that what he was being told was untrue, but the damage was already done.
Then my STBX sent my dad with another man to the house. My STBX knew I wasn't home and sent him in to confiscate a "company" computer. WE have had this computer as a family computer for years.
I had to call the police. The officer explained to my dad, that he could be arrested for what he did because my STBX violated a court order.
My dad was mad at me because I was being ridiculous. He then again realized I was right.
Yesterday at dinner, I reminded my parents that I was going away and my dad said he was going back to his old house to get some furniture. It sounded suspicious. He sold all the furniture. I then found out he was getting furniture from our other house for my STBX without my permission. I don't care, but why not tell me. Instead they lie.
Please help. I am so hurt. I can't trust anyone. I gave up everything to be here.

I'm really sorry for what you are going through. I had a lot of emotional support when i left my Ex. My family was like "thank god".
You came off as believing that your parents were on your side. Obviously they are not. Your father agreeing after the fact that he was wrong doesn't really redeem him. He has a stronger bond with your STBX and you aren't coming first. I'd sit dad down and give him hell, then I'd tell them to stay out of it. Maybe you can go so far as to avoid your parents until after the divorce? Even little things you say may get back to STBX and hurt you.
Hi Madison,
It's sounds like your Father is in denial. Very often other family members can not accept the negative things that are said or implied about a favorite son or daughter-in-law. It's just too bad your father can't see past his own denial to help you. Unfortunately, there's little you can do about what your father believes about your STBX or whether he
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
I am so sorry for what is happening to you. I can't imagine how devastating it must be to feel betrayed by your parents that way. The only advice I have for you is to st some firm boundaries with your parents (ie: stay out of it) and then discontinue contact with them for a while. The reason I say this is because 1) you don't need the added emotional strain of dealing with them and 2) if you stay in contact with them, you will expend way too much energy trying to argue your case and change their minds- and that isn't likely to work.
It's a sad situation, you must be so terribly hurt. But no matter what, have faith in your truth and don't let the manipulations wear you down.