My first post
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My first post
| Wed, 08-27-2008 - 8:09pm |
Hello all, I have enjoyed reading all of your posts for a while now and thought it might be time to share my story. I am not sure how to sum up my experience without making this way too long, but I will do my best.
I have been divorced for about 2 weeks, I initiated it, he finally drove me to my breaking point, I have been unhappy for quite a while and tried to tell him to no avail. He did not want it, but luckily cooperated. We did a dissolution so it would be less expensive. He

Hey there.
Hi Zee,
Welcome to the board. We hope you find support and advice here.
My first thought is you need to set some boundaries, pronto! Yes, you must not allow your Ex to stay overnight to see the dogs. That's just plain B.S. You need to set a visitation schedule. He picks up the dogs, takes them home, to the park, whatever, but no staying overnight and "romancing" you. That's just pure manipulation, period.
Does he have a key to the house? Then change the locks and don't give him a copy. That's another boundary.
Secondly, you need to think about what kind of life you do want and make a plan to pursue it. Recovery does take time and I dont' expect anyone to "snap out of" the pain of divorce in two weeks flat. That's not wise and it does take time to process what's happened.
Start by simply making a list of the things you want to do or learn. (My list had 254 items! Everything from "renew my driver's license to "learn to scuba dive"!). It can be fun and it will start to give shape to what it is you really want from life.
I also encourage you to find a therapist, a support group, a trusted friend with whom you can vent and seek advice. It's very easy to fall into the trap of thinking you are all alone in your pain and that no one else has a clue what you're feeling. Counseling and support go a long way in helping you see past your immediate fears and emotions and help you start healing.
Third, your Ex is full of hot air regarding custody of your dogs. Any judge worth his salt would laugh such a lawsuit out of the courtroom. I have pets, too, and I understand how important they are to you and how much they mean to your life. However, they are not human children and as such they are not sensitive to whose got "custody." He's just blowing smoke at you in the hope of intimidating you. Ignore such threats. It's very possible somewhere down the road one or both of you will relocate or start a new relationship with someone new. At that time you'll have to make decisions about the dogs. So just let him yammer away about custody. It's just manipulation.
I think once you find support, start making a plan for the future (and by that I mean just the next day!) and get out of your house a little,
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
My husband BEGGED..... BEGGED.... for us to date after we divorced to try again.... "you're the only one I'll EVER love"
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~