my journal item for today . . .
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my journal item for today . . .
| Fri, 10-28-2005 - 1:16pm |
I had a horrible night last night and couldn't sleep, but this morning the sun was shining and I found myself typing this in my journal. It's making me feel better each time I look at it today. I thought I'd post it because I imagine it rings true for many.
"It was not my job to make XXX happy and it was not XXX’s job to make me happy. We have to figure out a way to do that for ourselves. I was putting so much energy into trying to make XXX happy and I was not able to do it, not because I am a failure, but because only he can do that for himself. By pouring all of myself into our children, our home, and our failing relationship, I neglected my own happiness for far too long."
Any thoughts?

hi mom2maggie,
Wow great journal entry. I would say that like an epiphany. It actually made me realize exactly what I was doing too. I tried so hard to make him happy and make us work. I couldn't pay attention to myself and actually "lost" myself. I was so busy being the dutiful wife, hiding all the secrects, and trying to fix the problem that I actually did not know naymore what "I" wanted or what "I" needed. All I knew was I had to fix the problem, keep him happy, do everything a "wifie" should do.
The last few days have been tough for me, I have been beating myself up alot and then him and then me ....well you get the picture. Anyhow your journal entry has great insite and I am happy for you that you could see it, and see it clearly. I know I see it, logically but for some reason my emotions are just not cooperating.
Thanks again!
I think that you've taken one giant step forward on the road to recovery.
Good job!.... and keep journaling ;-)
Karen ~ wildlucky4me
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~