my journal item for today . . .

Avatar for mom2maggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
my journal item for today . . .
2
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 1:16pm

I had a horrible night last night and couldn't sleep, but this morning the sun was shining and I found myself typing this in my journal. It's making me feel better each time I look at it today. I thought I'd post it because I imagine it rings true for many.

"It was not my job to make XXX happy and it was not XXX’s job to make me happy. We have to figure out a way to do that for ourselves. I was putting so much energy into trying to make XXX happy and I was not able to do it, not because I am a failure, but because only he can do that for himself. By pouring all of myself into our children, our home, and our failing relationship, I neglected my own happiness for far too long."

Any thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 3:40pm

hi mom2maggie,

Wow great journal entry. I would say that like an epiphany. It actually made me realize exactly what I was doing too. I tried so hard to make him happy and make us work. I couldn't pay attention to myself and actually "lost" myself. I was so busy being the dutiful wife, hiding all the secrects, and trying to fix the problem that I actually did not know naymore what "I" wanted or what "I" needed. All I knew was I had to fix the problem, keep him happy, do everything a "wifie" should do.
The last few days have been tough for me, I have been beating myself up alot and then him and then me ....well you get the picture. Anyhow your journal entry has great insite and I am happy for you that you could see it, and see it clearly. I know I see it, logically but for some reason my emotions are just not cooperating.
Thanks again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 5:10pm

I think that you've taken one giant step forward on the road to recovery.


Good job!.... and keep journaling ;-)


Karen ~ wildlucky4me


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~