on my own..just listen and learn...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2005
on my own..just listen and learn...
Sun, 11-27-2005 - 2:42pm

I have recieved replies from someone on this site who has been a big help so far.
My marriage was over really 3 years ago, it is all legal now and I am going through things that have been bottled up for years. It is sad when your own spouse does not "want you". Which was fine with me. Or tells you that we never should have gotten married, he was right. I knew it when I walked down the aisle.

X used to tell people that my parents paid him off to marry me..how insulting. Half the time he called me by another womans name! These were former roomates or he would call me his sisters name too. I wonder where his mind was? Not with me.

I have been thinking that he may be Gay. All of the roomates he has had in the past are girls, that appear gay or now roomates that are bisexual, I was always the last to know of this. I did not get a choice as to whether they were to live in our home or not, it was HIS home. He was more concerned that the roomates stay rather than me.
The rent money x pocketed and never went towards a bill or two. And I was the one taking the money?
My family is well off and I know that was the main factor x hooked up with me now. Now my family has "cut me off" financially, they are more interested in getting a new cat and that is their main focus right now.
I said fine, enjoy the cat and have a nice life for now. X took us for thousands and now I ask for support just to get by and I get cut off and you both still ask how he is after what he did to me and you and everyone else? Who's side are you on?

I got x everything he ever or never had growing up. His parents were drug addicts, his role as a son was to make "munchies". Some role models. His father put both his former wife and his present wife in the behavioral unit for breakdowns. it must be genetic, for I ended up having a few and ended up in the ER. They did not know what to do with me there. I had 5 ekg's. Everytime the heart monitor went off while I was upset in the ER, and it went off alot, I would just reply, "yes dear!" This was the day after my final mediation and settlement. My nerves are still shot and I shake like a leaf in the wind.

Thank God I never had children, I did but I lost one. I know it was for the best and we were not even trying, we were not even trying to have sex let alone a child! I can now say all of this and laugh because of one person who replied to me today on this site. I have not cried since.

I am to the conclusion my x went gay on me, it was to my benefit..he went to Iraq, which I did not approve of and stayed with too many men...His dislike for women and me appeared when he came home. I had told him years ago if he went away, we would get divorced. I do not know of that drove him to hate me nor do I care. I cannot see the movie "Jarhead."
When he came back from Iraq, he showed me a decapitation training video..Oh, I was not supposed to have seen that...............
He said I stole his money..as I have said in previous conversations posted on this site and even accused me of drugs? Stupid, I am on drugs because of you! Prescription of course. it took my lawyer, not 3 shrinks to tell me this/he was the cause of many aspects in my life.
Medication helps, but only you ca help yourself and make the effort. I came along way from the last 4 days from just one person on this site, well, there is another..

Thanks to my x, I tried to survive the best I could and now I am to attend bad check school. He offered no financial support, just told me that when I left not to take to much so that he did not have to buy too many things. I did leave a lot behind, but I did not want to take the memories with me..

Actually, I met a man..No do not say it's a cycle, give him a chance.
He went through a bad breakup a few months ago and we talked for 2 hours last night. He told me to scream in my pillow, twist a towel...he is 10 years older than me. I told him I was broke..it is part of the divorce process and is coming all the way to naples to meet me for a movie since I flat out told him I do not have the gas money. Most people-men would be detered. I said I was not a gold digger, for I was the pot who had the gold stolen out of..so to speak. He has his sh--t together. He knows I am hesitant and scared, which is true, but I am facing my fear and am going anyway.

Enough for now, just wanted someone to know they are not alone and that life goes on despite the hell.

He then emailed me this morning and said pick a movie. And wrote good morning to me. I am not used to people being nice to me both men and women alike, so this was a shock. Since my phone is a pay by phone, I told him I could not talk much..momma cut that off too. I cannot fill up my phone..the only messages I get are collectors.

Anyway, I am taking a chance an am going out to meet him. We are to see chicken little.
You may think it is too soon, but it has been 3 years I have bee separated, just now it is all legal..I was alone during my marriage.

Video games were x's choice. I guess since x could not push my buttons right, so the games were the next best thing?? Sure my credit is ruined, sure I wrote bad checks, I did what I had to do. X makes 3 times what I do, I got him those jobs too. I guess he likes being a loser rather than a winner.

I did win in court, last week. X will be in debt forever and I am getting out. I do not think he figured it out yet. I made him pay the mediation fees, after all, he hates me, should he not pay for it??? I am changing my name back even before the judge finalizes it. I do not want a redneck name, I would prefer my polish maiden name anyday.

Anyone who reads this, if you meet anyone from Nigeria on match or a dating site that gives you a song and dance, wants to send you money orders, cash them and send them the money via western union it is a scam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The money orders are counterfeit! If someone named Peo Keith writes you, report him immediately to the site and to the post office.

Yes I got caught up on that too. These people prey on vulnerable people whether they be men or women.
I almost ended up in jail. I am smart, but ny common sense went somewhere else other than my mind at one time...
I even had a woman from Nigeria email me on Match ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww! She said she had a project for me..I told her I was not gay and I did not want to partake in any of her f-ing schemes.