my regretful decisions

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2007
my regretful decisions
2
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 6:42pm
I need some support/advice, at this point advice is more then likely what I need, because when it comes to support about my situation I have to accept the fact that I've "made my so-called bed, and need to lie in it." I've been married for about 4 years now and have a 5 y/o son and 3 y/o daughter. About a year ago I met a man online and started off becoming friends with him. My dh and I had just grown apart, seperated on and off the past two years. In November I decided it was time to finally get a divorce and move on. My dh had taken it hard, he said we never really tried to work on our marraige with counseling, and he was right. He never initiated the counseling and neither did I. Honestly, I didn't think it would help. In the same month I decided to meet this man from the internet. And that's when my affair started. My dh moved into a different room in our house and I was trying to find a lawyer. My dh wanted 50/50 custody of our kids. I really didn't mind so much, I know how close they are with him and I wanted them to see him as much as possible, he's a great dad! about a month later I found out I was pregnant. My "boyfriend" was so happy, he started bugging me about when I was going to file for divorce. For some reason I kept putting it off.
I brought my kids to meet him and it was just so wierd, it was uncomfortable, even though they got along great with him. He just wasn't their dad! I told my Dh I was having second thoughts. DH just can't understand how I've completely done a 180, he says he's moved on, met someone new and wants to start something with her.
I broke things off with my "boyfriend" even though I'm pregnant. I feel like I need to prove to my dh how sorry I am and I want him to believe that I would be committed to working on our marraige. DH has since left to start a job as an over the road truck driver. He says that when he comes back for his days off he is going to stay in a hotel. I love him so much and miss him so much! I feel as though I need to keep hope that we can reconcile our marraige. But at what point do i just accept the fact that it's over. He says he still cares about me and hopes my pregnancy will be safe. He will always be there for me as a friend. And he keeps saying that he can't change his feelings "right now". What does that mean? Later he will change his mind?
Sorry so long and if you got this far, thanks for reading.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2007
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 7:32pm
Hind sight is always 20/20. An affair is almost impossible to forgive. Or forget. In order to forgive you have to forget, and to forget you have to forgive. My ex screwed around on me. I tried several times to take him back, but it was to much. I did go to counseling. The preist said to move on. I was not Catholic. He was. If he has no interest in working it out, he's probably done. Maybe you need to start working on yourself. Go to school. Go to church. Do something. When you sit and think it's the worst. Keep busy. I'm a firm beleiver in When on door closes another one opens. Don't beat yourself up. You have little ones depending on you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sat, 03-10-2007 - 11:53am

Hi Swirl,


Glad you found us here and hope you find it helpful.


I'm sorry you find yourself in your situation. My first piece of advice? You've made

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