My son and his stepmom-wrong board befor
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| Tue, 07-19-2005 - 4:50pm |
My oldest son went to stay w/his father and wife of 2months in October. She just got here from Africa and is apparently unhappy w/the way children are raised here.The idea was to originally send him w/his father for a while cause he and his father kept pushing how fun it would be.Then came my seperation and he went sooner.Well, he and the wife did not hit it off from the start.He didn't make it easy in the beginning,but she misses her country,hates this one,blah, blah,blah and is making this a nightmare for us all!It has gotten worse and now she despises him.Jealous.Tells him he is nothing to her (& his father's!) baby girl & won't let him touch/talk to her,etc.She even told him that's not his real father!!He is alone w/her during the day w/no communication;She's rude to him,like turning off the tv at night,leaving him in the dark w/o a word.They live in Atlantic City inlet now so there's no going outside(not the best area) or social life for my son so he is confined indoors w/her during the day.She tells him she hates him;that he'll be out of there by age 15;that he's nothing to her & she'd kill him if he touched her daughter.Once he had a letter from a girl,a school crush; she went nuts cause kids there dont "do these things" at such young age.The adults get into it,she hit my son in his back.His father told him to go to his room;he ran in the bathroom and locked the door so she couldn't get him.She pounded on it, shouting.he says that's the only time she hit him, but he's afraid she'll hurt him again while his father's gone.He tells me these things in spurts,some he has told my mother&she told me. He said she says these things everyday.
I sent my son there to bond w/the father he hasn't lived with since age 3 (now 11) but that can't be happening if this woman is causing all this stress on the houselhold. I have tried my BEST to be civil w/this woman since he'll catch the brunt of her anger.I have withheld my own anger,praying for her to turn around and warm up to him and adjust.I've explained to my son that he needs to respect her (her major issue) and other ideas for him as a child. Yes,like most kids he can be difficult sometimes, but there is no excuse for how she has been treating him.
He has told his father some of these things and he just tells him, "you have to understand how she's feeling". In other words, DEAL WITH IT. What?! He's too busy trying to keep this "family" together playing the middleman, and his son is suffering.His father is also not very helpful w/school issues.Simply doesnt know what he's doing. I don't know what else to do.He told my son not to tell their "family business" which I respect, but I told my son if it has anything to do w/him, it is mine as well.I dont like making him feel confused.This info would probably get him reprimanded for telling.
How do I go about this? Have a sit-down with both adults? Just his father? Forget it and take him with me? My son doesn't deserve to be verbally abused.I'm afraid he'll develop bad self esteem going on like this.
Currently,I have a 1BR apartment, living alone for the first time in my life on just-enough money.I'll admit, I'm terribly afraid of failing him in some way once I get him.
My STBX suggests I prepare myself soon as possible for my son.He also thinks my son is strong minded enough to endure long enough for me to get myself together. I'm praying that's what happens. Please help me.

My advice, get in your car and drive directly to get your son! I dealt with a step-father who treated my differently then he did his and my mom's children, I am just now working through this emotions.
I would then call CPS (child protective services) and report BOTH Ex and his new wife, so visits would be supervised. He is sopposed to be protecting his child and is failing miserably.
Bring your son home, give him the bedroom and work on getting things together for the two of you. Please get him to see a therapist because this woman has scared your son..
Good luck,
Rach
I called last nigt to tell him the way its gonna be, as his wife's yelling like a loonatic in the background.Several times he had to set the phone down &argue with her.He tried to say things were workd out..so why is she going off? He cant even have a conversation about his son in her presence. This morning he calls me and says he's gonna get his brother to speak to her and all will be well. I told him too late, she wont listen to you. I told him our son is staying with me.He protested vigorously, overlooking all the points i mentioned.Tried to say single mother isnt what son needs,..yea and that woman Is!? I told him his son is angry b/c he doesnt understand why you are caling him a liar when you know the truth. Anyway, i told him i just wanted to know what day to pick up son's stuff and he went off again how it's his son and he's not going anywhere. looks like i got a court date in my future..lol...he's so stubborn on all the wrong things.
On a brighter note, the school in my area actually having afterschl care---for FREE! so that's no longer an issue.but i need to register him asap to receive the pertinent paper work which is why i'm getting this done as quickly as possible, before my son gets home.However i do need to figure how to scrape up an extra $140/mo for the 2BR rent.Hopefully they'll work w/me on extra security deposit.