My STBX keeps talking about how

Avatar for missyflanders
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
My STBX keeps talking about how
4
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 7:37am

busy his life is and barely talked to the kids yesterday on his birthday when they called. We are on vacation and he has not talked to them much. He has also moved back into MY house while we are gone. All of these things really bothering me. He is also drinking again. I have not signed anything regarding joint or sole custody. My attorney suggests sole custody (both physical and legal) but stbx wants joint legal custody? What made you decide on your custody situation?

Missy

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 11:31am

Missy...

During the preparations for divorce #1...Pianoguy and former wife #1 gave the boys the option of choosing which parent they wished to live with.

Son #1 remained with me...while son #2 left with his Mom!

Joint custody was decided upon so both boys got to visit, spend the night with, and enjoy each other's company.

You didn't indicate the ages of your children---so my suggestion might not work in your case?

However...if you have misgivings about alcoholism, neglect or possible harm that could be inflicted upon your children by their DAD....I'd talk to your attorney about sole custody.

Just keep in mind that whatever choice the 2 of you make will affect your children as they grow up!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 2:08pm

Just a lurker but thought I would share. XH is in the military and we decided that because he was often deployed etc etc I would have full custody of the kids and I would give him unlimited access to the kids when he was available. This has worked out great for us. Most people don't even realize that our situation is that way since I don't use it against him and visa versa. That was 5 years ago and I will admit much of my concern in the beginning was his lack of wanting to spend time with the children and his total absorption with the single life he would often make plans to call or come and never do it. He is doing better now but not great but the kids are older. I also have the kids every Christmas day but we agreed when the youngest no longer believed in Santa would reevaluate the situation. This will be the first year (DS is 9) that he will be spending it with dad.

I really think it depends on what is going on now and any concerns you may have for the future. I also think it depends on if you think that in the future you and STBX will be able to come to terms with changes, what your relationship might be like. Always being realistic I have tried very hard to be helpful in his situation but were he to have issues like alcohol I would definitely think about getting sole custody now and working with him later if he should get help. Even though the papers say sole custody, you will have the power at some point to provide more than is given and take away if he slides back and may not be a great influence on the children.

HTH and makes even a little bit of sense.

Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 3:09pm

I just filed for divorce, he got the papers 6/16. My attorney just assumed it would be a joint custody case, and as evil and rotten and worthless he has been, I want my kids to see him as often as they wish. STBX thinks he's been the "greatest" father though he hasn't spent much time with the kids. I can only hope if they want to see him, STBX will make sure he's there for them.

Big hugs and good luck!
Jennifer

Jennifer

Proud Mom of Travis (15) and Mandi (10)

and our pets, Sully the Dog and Till

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 5:23pm
Kelly
could you please email me? i had a few questions as i am trying to divorce myself from the military currently..
thanks!