My Story

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2006
My Story
2
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 7:32pm

I've been around for about a year reading everyones life stories. First time posting. Just reading has made me a stronger person and has help me deal with my roller coster emotions. It feel good to know that there are you guys who understand how I feel.

Now let me tell you my story. I am 37, I was married for 16 yrs to my first love. We have three kids. I have 2 daughers ages 16 and a 12 month old and a son who is 11. My divorce is in the process. My husband has been gone for a year now. He is the one who chose to leave. He left a week after I had our baby. I felt so alone. I thought we were going to be married always. He left me loving him. I was so hurt. How could this man I was with for 16 years just leave, walkout on his family. He said he didn't love me no more. He let me know everything he didn't like such as Holidays with my family,(this guy has no family of his own) How I didn't keep his house so spotless clean, how I didn't cook good enough for him. My goodness this guy was not pefect himself I loved him no matter what. He put me through hell with his verbal abuse and drug uses for I say 14 yrs on and off. I stood with him because I loved him.

I loved this man so much. He was my first love. I hurt so much inside for the hurt he has caused me. After about two months he left me he was starting a new relationship. He let me how this women made him feel special. Everything she did for him that I didn't. All I could do was just cry. I fault so awful about myself that only if was a better wife to him. I cried to him and all he could say is don't you understand I don't love you anymore. All he wanted is to be my friend. How can I be a friend to a man who was my husband for 16 years.

This year was rough just adjusting to a baby and going through a divorce. Asking why did this happen? I don't talk much to anyone about what am going through. I don't have a best friend to talk to. I do have sisters, one that is married and one that is not had a relationships yet. I also have my mom, but all they can say is forget about it and move on. Easy said then done.They don't understand how it feels, how I feel. He was my life.
They dislike my xhusband now. I can understand since they seen me go through so much this year.

So its a been year, I am stronger. Thanks to you guys. Reading all your advise to others has help me. My xhusband and I are trying to stay friends, for the kids.

Now for the relationship my xhusband was in lasted a short two months, he says. To the person he thought was so perfect. Well just recently my xhusband called me on the phone almost crying telling me how he might have made a mistake leaving me. How he thinks of me everyday. How he wants to divorce me and one day marry me again. WHAT? In a way inside made me feel good, with a wicked smile , because he is now regretting leaving me. He did give me his list of what needs to change. This is including staying distance from my close family who has been there for me. Did I mention this xhusband of mine has a Harley bike which likes to go off with his biker friends. I never claimed about that. He even mentioned that I don't wear my wedding ring anymore. The guy who told me, to forget about him and move on with my life.

I do love him. I think I will always love him. He was my first and only love. Him leaving has made me relize what I did'nt like in the marriage. How he could have treated me alot better himself. We are still just friends. I may not even want him back, maybe I deserve better. Sometimes, I wonder if I will ever met that someone. My xhusband thinks I should be waiting on the shelf for him. Gets all steamed up if I mention just a man friend. Why should he, he is not my husband any longer, he is the one who asked for the divorce.

Who knows what my real life soap opera will lead to next. I just hope this new year will be good for the kids and I.

Thanks for listening. I feel like I have made alot of good friends here who understand.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: gal_willsurvive
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 10:35pm
I understand your hurt and pain. My divorce has been finaled for over a year and a half and I still love him. Like you I guess i will always love him. I miss him so much each and everyday. I just wish he would come home. This is killing me. I am glad you found us. There are a lot of wise people here. Do post again. Welcome.
Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
In reply to: gal_willsurvive
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 6:34am

Dear dal_willsurvive,

I am so sorry for all the hurt and pain you have been through. IMO, you sound like you have been a very good wife, sticking by him through the rough times. My STBX has also had problems with drugs, and it is definitely no picnic.

I know you still love him, but I just have to say - HE gave YOU a list of things that have to change? WTF??? This is a guy would leave his wife ONE WEEK after she had his baby. There is no excuse for that, none at all. And yet YOU are supposed to change for HIM?

Honestly, I wouldn't take him back at all. You deserve someone who is there for you during the times when you're vulnerable (like after having a baby!) If you do decide you want him back, please take it very, very, very slow. Make him beg. Give him a list of things he has to change, and don't give an inch until he is actively demonstrating that he is changing. If you don't, you will teach him that he can walk away whenever and you will always be there for him. You deserve better than that.

Rebecca