My story (cont.).....

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Registered: 07-13-2014
My story (cont.).....
2
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 3:31pm

As I was saying, lol...

Around the beginning of Mar, I asked dh if he is gay. This is how our conversation went:

dh: Yes.
me: How long have you had those feelings?
dh: Since I was 13 years old.
me: Why did you marry me?
dh: Because I thought it was the normal thing to do, what society says is normal.
me: How long have you been wanting to start living a homosexual lifestyle?
dh: Since about 6 years ago. (Note: That's about when I found the gay porn on a secret email account.)
me: Why didn't you tell me?
dh: Because I know how you feel about homosexuals. (Note: I don't want to start any debates, so I won't go into that, lol.)
me: Do you know how much you have hurt me, how much mental anguish you have caused me? Why didn't you tell me 6 years ago? We could have gotten a divorce then and I wouldn't have gone through all the stuff I did, especially the suicide attempt.

He showed no remorse and hasn't apologized or nothing! If he had told me before we got married, I would never have married him. I am so angry and hurt and feel that I have wasted the last 18 years of my life. The only good thing that came out of our marriage was our 4 wonderful kids.

Right now, we are in the process of writing up our separation/settlement agreement, which is a whole other issue. The kids and I will be moving to IL this summer. My relatives live there. Dh will be moving to DC.

Got a phone call, gotta' run, lol. Thanks for reading!

Carol

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 7:30am

Carol..

I feel for you... I'm just glad that you found out when you did, which was still too late... but better now then 15 or 20 years more down the line... My mom routinely says that she wasted 30 years of her life... well, not so much now, but if the subject comes up, that is one of the first comments...

I can only imagine the hurt you're feeling because of this--I know that when my parents were still married, it felt like my Dad was too selfish to even admit that his actions were hurting my Mom...

I'm glad to hear that you'll be returning to an area where you'll be surrounding yourself with family and friends... that is so important... Keep us posted on how things are going... and that settlement agreement--a lot of us have btdt, feel free to vent or whatever you need to do with that too!

*hugs*

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 6:29pm

Hi Carol.... that ole society acceptance tug is a terrible thing... and you're right, you know.. you've got wonderful kids from this.


I know this is difficult for you both.... I just can't imagine the spectrum of feelings that you have right now... or that you've felt throughout all of this.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~