My story - scared
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| Tue, 09-02-2008 - 10:01am |
Dear Board,
I am new here. My husband and I have not had sex in about 16 months (we are only married about two years). I would like to have it, but he does not have the desire for me. He is older than me, I am in my twenties, said to be attractive, try to dress nice etc. I have nudged him to get counseling (I have been seeing a counselor for years now to work on myself) and he pleaded he would do it, but when it actually came to going (I found a therapist for us) he said he thinks it is worth nothing, he does not believe in it etc.
There are some other issues, such as often he can be very rude to me unexpectedly, I feel like I don't deserve it that he treats me that way. Over the years we have also been having lots of conflict about different interests/ not doing activities together etc. Usually I am the one who initiates these activities and he will go along, but most often like a victim ("are you happy now? I am doing this all for you, I hope you are happy now" etc). I know I am not perfect either.
He can be kind and romantic, but more often than not we are having issues with things mentioned above. I have been trying to be a loving wife, his (now our) friends all say that I civilized him, what a positive effect I am on him etc. He had also been terrible with money all his life, and he has improved a lot since with me. (If it was up to him, he would spend the money away in an eye-blink, but that is a different story..)
In any case, I have been trying to be honest with him about my feelings, we have been having big talks about possible divorce.. We said we would give it one more year of trying. I just feel like he is not really trying. I was honest and told him that I still love him, but I am not sure we are compatible and that I do have a lot of sexual desire accumulated and experience desire for other men sometimes, given he does not look at me.
So right now we are supposedly at the phase of trying to make it work out and he has been saying that even if it will not work out he will not have any other relationships, he will always love me (he is middle-aged). I told him he should not say this, he should give a chance of happiness for himself if it gets to that.
The point is, today accidentally I came across a yahoo account he created several weeks ago. Apparently he has registered to some dating/romance/sex-phone thing... I really can't believe it.. I feel really strange in my stomach...
Should I confront him? should I wait and see what happens? The thought of divorce is so scary.. I am from another continent and all my friends and family are over there. All our friends are his friends here. Yet, I would not want to go back home, how could I survive a divorce without any kind of support system??..
In any case, I just wanted to share my story... Any inputs are appreciated!
| Tue, 09-02-2008 - 1:55pm |
