My story, as short as possible
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My story, as short as possible
| Tue, 03-18-2008 - 12:25pm |
My ex and I met when I was 16. We were smitten. I left to college at 18 and we stayed together. On one of my visits I got pregnant, we were confused, and had an abortion. Up until abortion, we were both very ambitious and productive. Afterwards, I came back from out of town and stayed with him in our hometown. Months later I became severely depressed, and he was there for me. I got pregnant again at the age of 19, and I knew I couldn't have an abortion again. We had our daughter in June of 2005. I still struggled with severe anxiety and depression. My parents allowed us to live in a house they had already paid off, and did not charge us a penny. I thought my bf would be grateful, and he was, but did not work for some time. We both still attended school, but he began dropping classes and failing several. When he did work, I began working as well. He was still dropping classes and I was not. Around this time he began smoking (illegal) and I did the same with him sometimes. He let it become a habit and I stepped away.He constantly wanted friends to come over, even after I told him I'd like us to spend alone time. We also, soon after our daughter was born, when all was still happy, decided to have an open relationship. It worked well, we were always honest, even until the end. As our relationship declined, I now realize we should have stopped with the open relationship. The pinnacle of the situation occurred last summer, when I told him "take a heavy load at school, don't work, and I will support us and work". He agreed. Come December though, after the semester, I found he had dropped his two early classes. I reflected and realized he could not wake up for classes because he had stayed up all night smoking, or listening to music. He was always a good dad, but I beginning to feel as if he was not a dependable support system. By January, I couldn't shake the anger at his behavior. Every time I approached him about it, he answered with hostility. All I wanted was a genuine apology. I got pregnant again, mid january. I had been with nobody else except my boyfriend, and after much reflection I decided to have another abortion. My boyfriend would not assist me in my decision. He said to do "whatever I wanted". What I had wanted was him to tell me everything would be ok, and he'd support us and work with me, but he never said that. I didn't want him to forever blame me for decided to have the baby. I would be miserable.
The story gets more complex.
A couple we always hung out with that were good friends of ours now come into play in my situation. To make a long story short, I kissed the male half of the couple (with my bf's knowledge of course) a year ago. In january, they had established an open relationship themselves, and though my bf disapproved, he allowed me to sleep with the male half of the couple. I had always been attracted to him, but nothing more. He and I began confiding in each other, all the problems I've just told you. I was at my wits end and ended my relationship on March 5. I had no idea two days later, this male half of the couple would end his as well. The day after he broke up with his girlfriend, we talk for hours. The next day for several more hours, and the next day the same. We realized we both had been unhappy for different reasons but now realized that we liked each other. I wrote an email to him discussing that fact, the prospect of seeing each other, etc.. I also told him "i love you, not in the sense of a relationship, but I have a deep attachment to you and care about you". My bf, who never accepted any of the reasons for our breakup as valid, snooped out my email, searching for an answer, and found this email.
He now assumes this breakup was because of this other man. Assumes I left for that reason, and refuses to speak with me on the issues. I can't cope with losing his friendship. He was my best friend, but not someone I wanted to spend my life with. Someone please tell me what you think.
The story gets more complex.
A couple we always hung out with that were good friends of ours now come into play in my situation. To make a long story short, I kissed the male half of the couple (with my bf's knowledge of course) a year ago. In january, they had established an open relationship themselves, and though my bf disapproved, he allowed me to sleep with the male half of the couple. I had always been attracted to him, but nothing more. He and I began confiding in each other, all the problems I've just told you. I was at my wits end and ended my relationship on March 5. I had no idea two days later, this male half of the couple would end his as well. The day after he broke up with his girlfriend, we talk for hours. The next day for several more hours, and the next day the same. We realized we both had been unhappy for different reasons but now realized that we liked each other. I wrote an email to him discussing that fact, the prospect of seeing each other, etc.. I also told him "i love you, not in the sense of a relationship, but I have a deep attachment to you and care about you". My bf, who never accepted any of the reasons for our breakup as valid, snooped out my email, searching for an answer, and found this email.
He now assumes this breakup was because of this other man. Assumes I left for that reason, and refuses to speak with me on the issues. I can't cope with losing his friendship. He was my best friend, but not someone I wanted to spend my life with. Someone please tell me what you think.

I don't want to sound rude but your BF is gone. He feels that you threw him over for the other guy. You can say whatever you want but in his mind he has the answer that needs and is moving on.
He is no longer your best friend and you are not his. Let your BF have the time he needs to heel and move on with his life. You should do the same. You might want to talk to someone about what has happened and what you have learned from it.
Focus on your daughter..eventually her dad will come around. The only thing that he could worry about is if the child is his. If he has any idea that it could be the other guy's then he will not likely want to see her.
I do not want to be cruel. Your BF is dealing with a lot of hurt feelings.
I hurt my H and I am still dealing with it. We are trying to get back together but it will be a long road.