My Version-- Joys Of Being Single !!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
My Version-- Joys Of Being Single !!!
5
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 11:55pm

I just wrote up MY version of the joys of being single. Wow what an eye opener. Now why would I ever hope that he would forget the OW and stay with me? No WAY. Why should give up the following for that?

The Joys Of Being Single
1. I will be free to do as I please,when I please and with whom I please
2. The blankets are all mine
3. The TV wont be on all the time
4. I can carry extra pounds if I want without fretting
5. I wont have to please or pick up after someone
6. I wont have to deal with another persons habits
7. I wont be belittled, ridiculed or made to feel insignificant. I will be number 1 not number 5
8. I wont have to deal with someone elses anger, mood swings or drama.
9. I wont have to deal with anothers negativity
10. I wont have to be someones scapegoat
11. I can be free and happy.
12. The house can stay as I want it.
13. No more catering to someone elses needs, I can concentrate on my career
14. I can spend time with family without feeling guilty.
15. I can listen to my favorite music without being ridiculed.
16. I wont have to deal with someone elses cruel body language
17. If I have extra money I can do what I want with it without being made to feel guilty or stupid.
18. I wont have to walk on eggshells.
19. I can keep the hours I want without being ridiculed.
20. My sister , brother and other family members can feel free to come to my house and we

can watch movies and visit without the S.O. giving me dirty looks
21. I can build my self esteem. I can love myself without someone making me feel guilty for

trying to take care of myself.
22. I can have friends over without worrying about what someone else thinks or intruding on

their schedule.
23. No one will watch me to see if I am working or playing or what I am doing. I will be free to do

things when I choose to.
24. I wont have to go everywhere by myself while having a S.O. at home who refuses to go.
25. I wont get my feelings hurt by anymore, at least not in my home where I will now feel safe

from those things that destroy the soul
26. I wont be made to feel as if all the bad is MY fault.
27. I can know what a good Mom, and Grandma I am without anyone trying to say differently.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 3:42am

Well Dolly, many of these can be accomplished also within a marriage - but the sad thing is that it does not work in this way in yours. All the better reasons to get out. It is a great motivational list...

Nobody should have the power to make you feel so poorly and so inadequate. I hope you get a good deal out of your marriage, and that serenity is around the corner for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2005
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 8:13am

While none of us can completely understand what everyone else is going through...there are many common threads among we who are posting in this community. I am really sorry you have had to deal with betrayal in your relationship; I hope you are able to heal and find your joy.

I did, however, say WOOT! as I read through your points. Journaling was one of the methods which I utilized in getting through a very long, drawn-out divorce and custody process. Family, friends and professional counseling all have an important place during life crisis' -- however, coming out of a toxic, dysfunctional relationship, and finding your own soul again is powerful. You taking the time to note some of the important facts of living single is a step toward your owning yourself again! Its not to say those things cannot be achieved inside of a committed relationship; I do agree however, there are some things which cannot.

One of the many issues I dealt with in severing from my controlling ex, was the whole tone of being told I was 'selfish' for even wanting to seek, or experience some of the things on your list! It is just part of their whole arsenal of ways to control other people. It took me so, so long to see my responsibility in caring about myself did NOT equate to being totally selfish, but rather actually enabled me to like and love my family, children and friends to a far deeper extent than ever before. YOU are important, YOU are worth everything, YOU can be happy, there is joy to come. Be good to yourself as you walk this path...it is difficult, but keep learning more about yourself!

We are all looking for peace and happiness...

Annah

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 9:04am
Thanks Annah!
That reminds me I have not written in my journal for a couple days. I forget to write in it because I never did sucha thing except the little diary as a young girl.I did print out my joys of being single and hung it up but I should put it in the journal and it will always be there for me!
I did not love myself as a child and young woman. It caused me alot of pain and heartache. I had to learn to love myself for my own survival. And I do agree, if we cannot love ourselves how can we love anyone else? If we dont take care of ourselves we can be a burden on others. Still its would be nice to have a companion that tells you he loves you but if that is not to be then So Be It.
I am almost scared to death to think of another relationship. But I do believe in time I can find peace and hope in my life and take care of myself and find joy in my daily life. Even alone. I have children, grandchildren, and a mother, siblings. I have alot in my life. My best companion is my toy poodle who loves me unconditionally and thinks I am a queen!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 4:15pm

Oh I love your list and all those are great as you become you again. I would agree to all of them. But I am hoping if I so choose to find someone else again (long way off) is to be able to make myself do all those things and rightfully so with a significant other. I feel I'll know it's a healthy relationship with someone when I can do all those things, being myself and not changing and having that person love me for me. But again that is many years away. Hit the door buddy if you don't like me!

I went out on a date a while ago the guy told me to shut up during the date and tried to tell what to order for lunch, I said here is my half of the bill have a great date by yourself! I left before the food even arrived. I actually saw it all within 5 mins! Who knew I could do it so well. Grin

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 11:41pm
Hi Maddy! during one of our divorces with my stbx I married a man. I didnt know him well when I married him. I was recently divorced and not living with my current stbx.
He was totally my soul mate. I couldnt believe this!! we got married in a fever. the night we got married he changed.....a complete flip. Wouldnt even have sex with me on our wedding night. became verbally and emotionally abusive. it was a nightmare. I divorce him and of course my stbx got back together. we were divorced at the time of this new marriage because he didnt want me so I did not break his heart.
My stbx 's sister married a man once who beat her up on their wedding night. she filed for divorce the next day. She is one of the most sensible analytical women I know, worked the same job for decades. How do these men fool us?
I am not sure I am going to try this again. I would like to learn to be able to support myself fully and maybe have a boyfriend to take me to a nice steak and lobster dinner, maybe a trip down into NV to gamble. Justhave fun. A romp in the hay and then he can go home at night LOL
well who knows. I cant waste too much of what time I have left on a dysfunctional relationship. LOL
But girls have long engagements and look for signs. If I ever think of marriage again I will live with him first. course sometimes they fool you even then till you marry.
I think the best answer is just have a boyfriend and send him home at night when the party is over.
I cannot believe that man you went on the date did that. well its a good thing you found out first. My stbx I met 30 years ago called me a F....ing Bit.. the first night we had sex cause I couldnt have an O we had been drinking. I married the man three times and spent 30 years with him.
I am much more healthy then then I am now.........I want to live alone now you betcha!!
As an older woman of course I am wiser now. but once you spend this many years with someone its very painful especially their love affair.