"My visitation is over"...
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| Mon, 03-27-2006 - 9:08pm |
Tonight my STBX came over for a visit with our daughter and as usual we ended up in a discussion that ticked him off. As soon as the clock hit 10pm he said, "well my visitation is over" and left.
He makes me feel like I'm forcing him to visit our daughter. I can't imagine ever saying those words. I would want to be making excuses to spend more time with her even if she was sleeping. I'd be doing her laundry or something!
He is in such a hurry to get us moved out so he can get away from me...he doesn't see how this is getting away from our daughter too. He says he'll see her as much as he can...and is at peace with this.
Maybe I'm being irrational but to me it seems like he's rushing to get to his new life as a bachelor. He got really upset tonight when I asked him about our daughter living with him for a bit while I got on my feet (I have to get a job, home, etc.)...he tried to make it out like I was terrible for mentioning it...yet he got upset because I mentioned it.
Does that make sense?!
Things can only get better and once I get moved in to my own apartment things will be a lot better.
I'm also sick of him acting like he's doing me some big favor by paying support!
Thanks for listening.

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This is apparently going to be a daily thing with my stbx! Today he picked up our daughter at 5pm and told me to expect a call in a bit because he needs some downtime and 10pm at night isn't cutting it. I asked him when exactly I'm suppose to get my downtime once we move to NC and he said, "I'm sure your Aunt with watch her". As if my Aunt doesn't have 3 of her own kids and work full time! Like she wants to babysit so I can get downtime. She will if I needed her to but that's hardly the point here. He is so selfish and I am so "frazzled".
What can I say to him? What can I do?
Maybe it's time for the reverse psychology... about how lucky he is to have the time that he does get.
As far as when you move..... maybe you and your Aunt could swap "kid time".... that would help to give you both a break ;-)
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Sadly, there is nothing you can say or do at this point. I totally hear you on the frazzled thing. I've got the three boys full-time, I'm in school, I work a part-time job plus I tutor and clean houses to try to make ends meet. My downtime is the 20 minutes between the boys going to bed and when I start my homework. My blood pressure is through the roof. My doctor has me monitoring it at home and it is consistanly around 160/110. I get migraines now and I've NEVER had them before in my LIFE. But, the fact that I'm at risk for a heart attack or stroke isn't even enough to convince my STBX that I need help. He just won't put himself (or The Skank) out for my benefit (even though it also benefits the boys). The more I beg, the more adamently he refuses! It's taken a while, but I've finally just accepted the fact that I'm totally screwed here. He goes off on vacations, he takes the skank out for nice dinners, he does as he pleases and sees the boys when it suits his schedule. I'm just 'expected' to bend around his needs while he will not make any efforts to work with mine. It really does all get to be way too much sometimes, well, a lot of the time actually. But, I know that all my hard work is going to pay off one day when my boys are healthy, productive members of society. Also, I've noticed that men who were raised by hard-working single moms have an amazing amount of respect and even admiration for women. STBX has no problem telling anyone that he has NO respect for women at all. He's even said that woman should never be in positions of authority b/c they cannot handle it!!!
Three times today I had people tell me that they think I'm amazing for all that I do. THREE TIMES!!! Obviously, none of these were from STBX. One was from a complete stranger at the boys' preschool who overheard me talking to the infant lead teacher (also happens to be a friend of mine). I know that it's not much of a comfort now, but know that your little girl is going to see how hard you work and she will grow up knowing that she can take care of herself without a man around and that she can do ANYTHING b/c her mom showed her that it IS possible.
Tonight I tried something a little different....I "relieved" my stbx of his "duty" (our daughter) at 8:30pm. He didn't have a chance to argue with me bc I told him I understood if he had homework to get done. He actually perked up a little and said, "Ok, thanks. I'll see you guys tomorrow".
I just hope we can get along better from here on out. I only have about a month left here and then we'll only have to deal with him on occasion.
Tonight they went to Build A Bear and made a kitty cat together....I miss all the fun stuff because I'm the poor parent! It sucks. He says he wants to give her everything she wants...he can't buy her love forever, right?
EWWW!!! Rebecca is a " 'Bush-lover' Lover" !!!!!! haha!
You're going to Italy??!!! You stink!!!! LOL I was supposed to go to Ireland, but, thanks to STBX that's not going to happen :o( I'm very sad about it. I'll email ya some more bush stuff!!!
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Spending the evening with my daughter even though it was suppose to be my stbx's evening seemed to do the trick for everyone. My daughter enjoyed spending time with me, showing me her new kitty cat that her and daddy made at Build A Bear and reading lots of books before bed. My stbx got "relieved of duty" as he wished. And I got to bed earlier than I have been.
For now I feel better. I really am starting to understand that I can't control how active my stbx is in our daughters life. It doesn't do any good to force him to be invovled bc then our daughter just sees the tension between us.
I look forward to our fresh start. I just have to figure out how to outline the visitation schedule so that stbx doesn't just figure he can drop in when it fits his schedule.
Can we do it a month at a time? Neither of us know what our schedules will be like too far in advance and stbx is moving to a new duty station this summer so we're not sure how far away he'll be. How often do parents that live in another state usually visit? I don't know how he thinks he'll afford a hotel room and all that it will take to visit her and we outlined that the visiting party pays for the expenses of the visit.
Thanks for always listening!
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