"My visitation is over"...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
"My visitation is over"...
23
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 9:08pm

Tonight my STBX came over for a visit with our daughter and as usual we ended up in a discussion that ticked him off. As soon as the clock hit 10pm he said, "well my visitation is over" and left.

He makes me feel like I'm forcing him to visit our daughter. I can't imagine ever saying those words. I would want to be making excuses to spend more time with her even if she was sleeping. I'd be doing her laundry or something!

He is in such a hurry to get us moved out so he can get away from me...he doesn't see how this is getting away from our daughter too. He says he'll see her as much as he can...and is at peace with this.

Maybe I'm being irrational but to me it seems like he's rushing to get to his new life as a bachelor. He got really upset tonight when I asked him about our daughter living with him for a bit while I got on my feet (I have to get a job, home, etc.)...he tried to make it out like I was terrible for mentioning it...yet he got upset because I mentioned it.

Does that make sense?!

Things can only get better and once I get moved in to my own apartment things will be a lot better.

I'm also sick of him acting like he's doing me some big favor by paying support!

Thanks for listening.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 6:34am

Justme,
I know you shouldn't have to take the responsibility, but maybe you could come up with a routine that would help the transition for her. Something on the lines of a bedtime routine. If you know he is leaving at 10, maybe you could suggest at 9:30 that she have a snack/bath/jammies or whatever. Then at 9:45 tell her daddy will be leaving in 15 minutes, then a ten minute warning. THen at 9:55 have her give daddy a hug and kiss goodnight, etc.

Even though he is a moron, in the long run I think he'll benefit from being given a script to follow. Considering her age, this would be very good for her to know what to expect, just as you have to do when it is time to leave the playground or go to the store, or whatever transitions you make throughout the day. She isn't a baby anymore, and if he is not with her often he is going to have to learn ways of dealing with her as a toddler who needs structure.

Susie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2006
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 10:38am

Just a note to sympathize. My STBX and I are getting along reasonably well right now, but that's only because he does what he wants when he wants and only comes over to see the kids for an hour or two a couple of days a week. He does keep them often for a few hours on the weekend too, but the rest of the time it's up to me to do it all. The sad thing is that they are happy to see him when he arrives to visit, but don't seem to notice or mind when he leaves after a while. We've not been separated for long, but they already seem to know, even the little one, that he won't ever stay long. He goes out every night while I take care of the kiddos, but frankly, that's where I'd rather be so as long as it doesn't upset the kids, I don't care to rock the boat.

Hugs!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 12:13pm

Thanks for sharing that. It appears that is the direction we are going in too. I asked my stbx to move out about a week ago and now that he's out of the house he has asked to be "relieved of duty" early last night and then today he calls and says he wants to go to dinner and a movie so he didn't want to come over to see our daughter tonight. He said since he'll have her all weekend and on Monday when I have my colonoscopy/endoscopy (I'm fine...they are doing biospies bc they think I have ulcers and IBS).

I'm so bummed but happy that I won't have to see him today. I can be comfortable in my own house today and just do things as I want and enjoy the peace and quiet.

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