My wife just told me she wants a separation

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
My wife just told me she wants a separation
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 5:34pm
My wife just told me she wants separation and I am beside myself. I got all these emotions running around(mostly anger) and I don't know how to deal with it. What makes it worse is that my wife is going about like nothing happened and is being very disrespectful. I really don't know how to deal with this, I am trying to spend time with my daughter but I can't shake these feelings.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2000
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 6:28pm

I think the best thing you can do at this point is to NOT take any of that anger out on your wife or daughter, since that's likely going to make things a lot worse.  If you can, get your wife to go into marriage counseling with you so you can try to work on your relationship.  If you attend for a while and it's obvious that things can't be fixed, then at least you two can use that time to work on being parents together.  As for what to do with all of that anger and frustration?  I work out, a LOT.  Running, yoga, whatever gets you tired and helps you take your mind off of everything is good.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 08-28-2012 - 4:47pm

The problem is that the person who asks for the separation or divorce has probably been thinking about things for a while which is why they show no emotion--they have probably gone through a lot of emotion already, where the other person is shocked & doesn't have time to process things yet.  Of course you feel angry, but I agree--getting into arguments esp in front of your DD is not good--leave the house if you have to to avoid arguments.  You also might want to get therapy for yourself or look into a divorce support group.

Since you said she wants a separation and not a divorce, I think you need to discuss things with her--why does she want a separation?  How are you going to manage this as far as paying bills and taking care of your DD?  Are both of you going to be free to see others?  (Does she already have a guy she wants to try out?)  Are the 2 of you going to go on dates?  Personally I think trial separations never solve anything unless the couple goes to counseling during it and they don't see other people--ignoring problems that led to the desire for a separation never solved them.