My wife left me and took our child

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
My wife left me and took our child
2
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 1:51pm

My wife left me 3 weeks ago. She has not spoken to me since she left.We've been married 4 years and we have a 20 month old daughter. We have had several problems throughout our marriage and we've managed to work through them.
I have an internet addiction that I have kept hidden from her. She uncovered alot of secrets I was keeping and now she's gone. I have not cheated on my wife, but I have lost her trust and I desperately want her back. I have admitted to everything. She will not communicate with me except through one of her friends. I have only seen my daughter twice since she left and both times she did not come herself.
She is supposed to be seeing an attorney about our house and visitation. She hasn't come out and said "divorce" yet but everything is leaning toward it. Her parents came and took her stuff out of the house. I am scared that I have lost her forever. I am alone and afraid. I have spent the last three weeks crying and not sleeping. I have spent the last 6 months in my own world keeping her at a distance and now all I want is to be open and share everything with her. I really messed things up.
I am left in the dark and I have no idea what is going to happen. I really feel that
she should talk to me herself and at least tell me what she is feeling instead of hiding
100 miles away where she now is staying. We have a child together and I have never given
any reason for her to think I am a bad parent. I am at my end. I don't know what I am going to do now. I don't want to wake up one morning and get handed divorce papers without first trying for a resolution between us. Can someone please give me some advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2003
Sun, 08-26-2007 - 2:18pm

One good thing I have learned over the years is that you can't change another person- you can only change yourself. She is more than likely really hurting right now and feeling humiliated. Are you ready to deal with the issues that brought you to this place? If you are- find counciling. From there, she may agree to MC.

I wish you luck. I also wish my XH was interested in changing his end of our issues.

Debbi

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 12:33pm

Admitting you have a problem is the first step. Fixing it to make yourself a better person is the next one. You sincerely seem to want to work this out, but it's going to take time and a lot of baby steps for you to recover and her to trust you again. Because trust is a fragile, fragile thing. You can't expect her to just come back, kiss you and say it's all better.

Go get counseling. Not just to show her that you're trying to fix things, but because counseling will help you understand better why you let your computer become more important than your wife and daughter.

And from there, all you can do is go forward. Even if your wife decides she can't reconcile, you still need to be there for the baby, in every capacity you can conceive. You can't make her come back, but you can become a better man. And sometimes that's enough.

Good luck.