At my wits end
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| Thu, 03-22-2007 - 12:55pm |
Hi all
I am at one of my all time lows and very depressed. I have not been sleeping or eating well over all this. I do not feel comfortable talking with any of my family, friends about this and really need some advice.
My name is Jill and I am 40, married for 8 yrs and have a beautiful 15 month old daughter. My marriage has been getting worse and worse for years. Both my husband and I have been trying to change to make things better but it just seems it goes back to the same crappy behaviors ect... I tried last summer to see a professional counselor but she belittled me and made me feel like all the issues were my fault. So I have no intention of finding another one. I feel guilty about some of the feelings I have and I wonder if I am the only one. My main problem (and one of his) with the marriage is sex. My husband gained ~75+LBS a couple years after we got married. I have not wanted to have sex with him since then. I have been told by friends that if you love the person you should be able to look past the weight. But I cannot. At this point I do not think I could ever desire my husband again even if he did lose the weight. I am so turned off by him. He has tried to diet but has been unable to lose any weight. I think I am a very healthy 40 yr old and I try hard to keep myself in shape and try to wear nice clothes, makeup, nice hair ect... I do care about him but I want more from a marriage including sex with a man that I desire and maybe even a bit of jealousy is good. Am I such a horrible woman to want this?
My husband does not want a divorce we have fought over all the issues many times and have discussed divorce. He thinks we can work it out. He does not want to be a single father. I feel totally guilty about this. He is a great dad to our daughter.
Another related issue for me is if I do file for divorce where will my daughter and I live. My single mother does live close but she is VERY controlling and demanding. I could not bear to live with her for long. I do work full time and we do own a home. There might be 25K from the house if it was sold. Thats such a small amount. I am so scared about this. All these HUGE changes its totally overwhelming. I do not even know where to start or what I should do at this point.
Any comments, ideas would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks, Jill
ivy369jc@yahoo.com

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Wow again! You are perceptive and articulate (hence your screen name?). Well said once more. I hope it helps the original poster. I didn't respond to her directly because I couldn't think of anything constructive to say, so thank you for finding a gentle way to offer advice.
I really appreciate your insights.
M
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