At my wits end....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2005
At my wits end....
6
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 12:41am
Hi,
I want out of our marriage (if that is what you want to call it), and now I am being backed into a corner by MIL. Husband just pulled a fast one on me last week and took my name off of the business account, so now I have to go to him and ask him for money. We have been married 17 years. Before that I went to a doctor who diagnosed me as having PTSD due to many years of PHYSICAL and emotional abuse. Anyway, his mom and her husband are coming to stay at our home (AGAIN), every summer now, for three weeks. SHe is very controlling, easy to anger and just is rude. Sometimes she can be great but the very thought of them coming again makes me sick to my stomach. My husband of course is thrilled, gets upset if I say I really don't like this, and expects me to just "pretend" like everything is fine and dandy. I thought I would wait until after they left to file, but I just don't think I can take this anymore. I will probably go in to see an atty this week, I don't know what to do! I can't stand having her here again, and she doesn't take NO for an answer. She doesn't know what I have to live with, and knows nothing about the problems. I have though about leaving while she is here, but why should I have to leave my home? I don't think I can stand to be around this dysfunctional crap anymore. (He learned a lot of his behavior from her). As far as being a guest in the house, she is a nightmare, I had to buy a king sized bed (FIRM) for them, rearrange rooms, criticizes when things aren't done her way, get's violent even, and my husband starts acting more like the jerk he is. Any help appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 8:32am

Hi there,


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 10:48am

Hugs to you, westieluvr. I know when I was ready for it to be over, every day's delay felt like an eternity. You should definitely consult with an attorney to find out where you stand and what needs to be done. You should also contact your local domestic abuse hotline to see whether they can offer you any assistance or advice - they may be able to offer you lawyer referrals, counselling, shelter in case you need it. I can't imagine having to have a MIL like yours come to stay while you're in the process of filing, so I don't know what the best course of action would be (to file before she comes, tell her not to come, or try to deal until after she leaves), but hopefully you will get some good advice from the resources available.

-sang

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2005
Wed, 06-29-2005 - 8:17pm
That's crap. I'd leave and let your husband cater to her every whim. Do you have somewhere to go? In most places you should be able to leave and still have legal access to your home. You should also be able to apply for temporary support asap. Sounds like he's trying to control you with money and frankly, I'd rather live on the street than put up with that. My father controlled my mother that way (and she made the money go figure). You need to get away from him - he's poison.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 5:24pm

My husband and I owned our own business together too. It makes it such a pain in the butt too. The business is a marital asset though. Were you receiving your own salary from it? If I were you this is what I would do...play it cool. I know you are soooo pissed about your mother in law and I can TOTALLY relate...my MIL was hell on earth...but it will make it soooo much harder having to deal with her at this time and a divorce. I am sure if she was in town and found out you were leaving her baby boy that she would make things hellish for you. This is what I wish I had done...and if you are not able to do it, I totally understand. Start putting money aside and set up your own checking account without him knowing. Have the statemenst sent to a friend or someone you trust. Money is soooo huge when you have none. Some people might say it is hiding marital assets, but you are going to have to have money to live off of and I am sure he wont give you any once you leave. You can also clean out your joint checking account, without his permission. It is your money too. I know a lady who had a yard sale while her husband was gone and she sold everything.

That is the best advice I can give you. I am not sure if it is what you want to do though. Good luck.

Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 9:18pm

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Can this be done in the post 9/11 world? I mean does the Patriot Act get in the way of this? Alternatively, can the original poster get a PO box to have the statements sent to?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 9:46pm
A PO Box is a really great idea. Then no one would know about the bank account. There are just soooo many things to think about when you are trying to protect yourself. I wish I had found this forum before I left my STBX. I did get some major car repairs done and opened my own bank account and stuff, but there are many things I wish I had done differently. First of all, I underestimated his anger when I left him. He was always kind of passive and stuff, but once I left him, he did lots of things out of revenge. That was what I was trying to stress is that you can never be too careful.