Name change? Or not?
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 03-09-2005 - 10:26am |
Thanks for all the good advice on the "do it yourself" divorce kits.
My next question, I know most people who have kids choose to keep the married name to have the same name as the children. We do not have children, so that's not an issue for me, and I'm trying to decide whether to change my name back or not.
I guess I kind of want to keep his last name, simply because we got married before I even graduated college, so my degrees and all my professional life have been in that name. I really don't even have any friends still who knew me by my maiden name. I'm not close to my dad at all, so in a way, I don't necessarily want to share his name either!
On the other hand, do I want to be tied to this man and his family forever? And I am kind of close to my grandparents, so it might be nice to go back to sharing their name.
If anyone else out there didn't make the decision because of the kids, please share whether you changed your name back or not and why. Thanks!

Hi there,
Well, I did make the decision because of the kids, at first. I now realize that it would be ok to change it, I might just do so soon enough....
BUT
I think that in your case, a name doesn't mean you are tied. Your degrees are all in your married name. I would, for professions sake, keep your married name. It doesn't mean you are tied to him, besides, you
Hi Sandyy,
I for one didn't make the decision because of my kids. I went back to my maiden name because I didn't want to be associated with the x. If anyone assumes I have the same name as my kids, I just correct them, no offense taken.
Now on the other hand, if I ever remarry, I may not take hubby #2's name at all. It would feel weird for me to have the same name as him and maybe his kids, while my kids have a different name. It's a really personal decision. Go with what feels best.
I like my married name and I don't feel it ties me to my ex's family. My last name isn't that common, but lots of people have it that my ex is not related to, he's not tied to everyone with this name and neither am I. Plus I was like you, all my degrees and everyone I have worked past and present knows me by this name. It's been my name for so long it *is* my name.
This question gets asked a lot, and the last time I went through and linked all the most recent answers about changing your name or not, here is the link:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlsmartdivor&msg=14558.2
Forever?????
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I went back to my maiden. I think I've mentioned we have similar situations. At first, I had no intention of going back...I'd had that last name for 5 years. My maiden name is a little unusual and his name was very common and I preferred having a common name. The closer it came to the divorce being final..I changed my mind. His family had never really been kind to me. My ex was awful, not faithful and put me through hell. His family, who I had been on good terms with pre-divorce, suddenly cut me off communications wise once I began pursuing a divorce. His mother thought I should "just get over it." Well, when I just couldn't "get over" what he had done for the upteenth time, she just couldn't understand. I thought, "You know what? Why would I want to keep the name of a family that didn't want anything to do with me when their son caused me so much pain."
The degrees weren't an issue. I sent a copy of the final divorce decree with the name change declaration on it to my University. My maiden name was restored on my transcripts and I requested duplicate diplomas with my maiden name. It felt great to see my diplomas with MY name on them. It's only been five months since the divorce was final and everyone at work totally took to my new name right away. Every once in a while I'll see my old name on something and my stomach twists a little.
It's a big hassle to change your name on everything, but I'm glad I did it. As far as picking a new name....in my state the only free name change you can have due to divorce is to go back to your maiden or a previous married name. You couldn't just pick a new name. If you wanted a completely new name, you had to go through the whole name change process and pay the court fees for a name change.
I do not have any kids, and I went back to my maiden name - I just did not want any part of the ex when we divorced (he put me through a lot). I was proud to take his name when we got married, but obviously I don't feel that way anymore. There was a very strong feeling of liberation I got from being able to sign things "maiden name" again!
Also, it was ridiculously easy to change my name in the state I lived in - it was part of the divorce decree!
Good luck with your decision. *hugs*
I agree on the "ridculously easy" part of getting the name changed back to maiden...it was one sentence on the final decree paper.
"The wife's name is hereby restored to _____."
Easy. The hard part (but worth it) is changing it on credit cards, utility bills, car loans, transcripts, insurance cards, frequent flier account, diplomas, driver's license, social security card, employee i.d. card, retirement account, doctor's office, email accounts, bank account, ebay, cell phone, checks, paypal, web bill pay...the list goes on. I'm still glad I did it.